Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

July's Free Give-a-Way

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Check out this month's give-a-way item. The book is called The First Day of Foreverby Kristi L. Necochea. In this first book of the collection, find out how the Friends Forever Girls came to be. This book correlates with the Friends Forever doll collection. Click on the picture of the dolls below to learn more about the dolls.

I received the book from the author Kristi L. Necochea specially for my July give-a-way. I of course read it to my granddaughters first. But don't worry, it is in perfect condition. We really enjoyed reading it together.

Winner of Dr. Toy's award Best Children's Products for 2008. Huggable 18" dolls created for girls 6 and up. Book series available that teach about friendship and becoming the best a girl can be. Great for your granddaughters. Click on the picture to learn more the dolls.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
Grandmother raising grandchildren
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com
www.SeniorPro.com

Do you ever feel this way?

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

As a woman and grandmother raising grandchildren, I often face trials that I would rather not face. I know there are many of you feeling much the same way. So this is for those of you who may be facing difficult trials on a daily basis.

My life right now feels like a continuous ferris wheel ride. Every morning I wake up knowing that I am going around again. The only problem is that I know that one of the spokes of the wheel is cracked. Will today be the day that the spoke breaks and the ferris wheel comes crashing down, changing my life forever? Or will today be the day that the ferris wheel comes to a stop, letting me get off and feel the solid ground once again.

I do not know. While I am trying to not fear what I perceive to be the worst, I am also trying to prepare myself and have faith that no matter the outcome, I am on the path that was set for me in the beginning. May God and the Holy Spirits bring peace to my thoughts and guide my every step is my prayer.

Karen Wright, B.S.
Grandmother raising grandchildren
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com

Peace at the lake with grandchildren

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I promised my granddaughters that today I would not work. We would get out of the house and go to the lake. A state park is not far from our home with a lake and small beach area for swimming. The girls played and swam, while I watched, relaxed, and read. I was feeling rather philosophical and decided to pay close attention to my senses. I listened, I watched, and I felt. What a beautiful experience.

As I listened, I could hear people talking in all directions. "Be nice, be nice now." I could hear one mother kindly speaking. Another asking, "Are you hungry?" A child asking, "Can I play with you? What's your name?" And in the distance, I could hear many indiscernible conversations. I could hear birds singing, the whistling of the breeze, and a motor of some sort far off behind me.

As I watched, I saw children playing, adults observing, reading, or talking together. I saw smiling faces, water splashing, and people in canoes, rowboats, and a kayak. I saw footprints in the sand, sandcastles half washed away by the water, and the beautiful huge trees that surrounded the lake.

Now to the feeling and essence of the experience - There was a sense of peacefulness, pleasantness, and rightness. I know “rightness” might seem like an odd word to use, but that is exactly how it felt. It felt “right.” I heard no arguing, contention, or any unpleasant sounds whatsoever. There were not a lot of people at the lake but enough that the sense of serenity and quietness was amazing.

I wished that everyone around the world could experience such gentleness among strangers. Even though I knew no one but my girls, no one felt like strangers for some odd reason. Since a state forest surrounds the lake, the feeling was one of total safety from the ugliness of the violence and anger that is being experienced around the world today.

Then tonight storms came. We watched the news on TV and the lightning that lit up the nighttime sky. A tornado had been spotted within a few miles of our home. We woke the girls up and brought them downstairs and curled up together wrapped in blankets and waited. Yet, I felt safe even with the lightning striking closer to our property.

My 6 year old asked, "Do tornadoes really pick houses up and move them?" That one was a hard one to answer without scaring her. She was worried about our outside cat that was curled up in the corner of the porch. If our house was picked up and moved, the porch would break off and hurt the cat. I assured her the cat would be fine.

The worst of the storm passed us by, and the girls returned to bed. I am sure tomorrow we will find branches and perhaps limbs out in the yard. We do after every storm. But tonight, even in the midst of a thunderstorm, there was a sense of peace, just like at the lake today. I wish everyday could feel this peaceful.

Karen Wright
Grandmother raising grandchildren
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.SeniorPro.com

Once upon a time there was a grandmother

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Once upon a time there was a grandmother with two grandchildren who she loved to dote on. However, the grandchildren's mother (her daughter) had severe problems. She had mental health problems, which drove her into alcohol and drug addictions. Regardless, this young mother loved her children very much. But she was a mess, and she knew it. She cried as she recognized her inability to care properly for her children. Whenever she thought her life was improving, her mental illness would worsen and she returned to abusing alcohol and drugs. Her heart would break as she saw the affect she had on her little children. She turned to her mother, the children's grandmother, to raise the children. Her love for her children and appreciation to her mother for taking over her role as her children's mother was often expressed. Her mental illness and drug abuse had miraculously not hindered her love and appreciation for her mother and recognizing the sacrifices the grandmother was making.

The story above is fiction, at least for most grandmothers raising grandchildren. The other day I was speaking with a grandmother who had raised grandchildren for several years before she was court ordered to send them back to the mother who had literally abandoned them on her doorstep. This grandmother said to me, "Why is it that we sacrifice, use up all of our money, and give up everything we have and then WE are the bad ones?" I am sure there must be exceptions, but rarely does a grandmother who is raising grandchildren get thank you's, sincere appreciation, and "I love you so much for what you are doing."

If grandmothers expect that they are going to live the fiction story above, they most likely will be severely disappointed and depressed. We must remember that we are not doing what we are doing for Thank You's and Appreciation.

Not only are grandmothers not likely to get Thank You's and Appreciation from the grandchildren's parents, they are likely to be treated with disdain for "stealing" someone's children, or criticized for not doing a good enough job due to exhaustion.

The criticism and disdain from those who should be most grateful can be extremely hurtful to the grandmother. It might cause her to feel very resentful and angry at the situation. However, an important point I want to make is when we allow ourselves to be resentful and angry, we are only heaping more pain onto ourselves.

Last night I was listening to a Teleseminar by Wayne Allen and Jon Polmar. One of them made an analogy that really got me thinking. They were talking about owning your own feelings and not blaming them on someone else, "So and So MADE me feel this way." When someone else insults us, accuses us, and is rude to us, we do not have to accept it and hurt over the insults anymore than we have to stab ourselves if someone hands us a knife. A knife creates a very strong visualization in my mind. If someone was trying to hurt me and handed me a knife, I would not oblige them by stabbing myself, so why do I oblige people by letting their words hurt?

I am really going to try and remember this analogy, and I hope all of you grandmothers out there who may have experienced hurt from others will remember this analogy of the knife as well. It doesn't exactly feel like something easy to do but certainly worth trying.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
Grandmother raising grandchildren
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com
www.SeniorPro.com

When the parents of your grandchildren live with you too!

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I am amazed at the number of emails I get from grandparents who are raising their grandchildren (or mostly raising them), with their biggest challenge being the parent of the child/children who lives with them as well.

This can be an extremely challenging situation in many cases. It really all depends on the grown children and the family dynamics in the home. Sometimes when the parent lives at home along with their children, they are doing so because of economic reasons and a loving atmosphere exists in the home. Other times, the grandparent actually becomes the true caregiver while the grown child parties and does not grow up.

I personally met a grandmother whose daughter and two tiny grandchildren lived with her. The grandmother did all of the care giving, taking the children to the doctor, doing laundry, meals, etc. while the daughter bounced from boyfriend to boyfriend, often bringing them home with her. The grandmother wanted to obtain custody, since she was doing everything anyway. She had no money for an attorney but was rather intelligent and went to the court house to find out what paperwork she could file herself. A guardian ad lit em was appointed for the children. Before the court hearing, the daughter simply moved out of state with the children and went and lived with her ex-boyfriend and his girl friend. I thought a bit interesting and odd. The last I heard the children's little lives did not appear very stable, moving around from place to place far from the more stable grandmother.

I know this is a horror story for many grandmothers in this situation. I do want to make sure I am not misunderstood though. Not all situations when the parent lives at home along with the children goes sour. Many young mothers are very nurturing and simply cannot afford to live on their own and need their parent's help.

Besides the grandchildren I am raising, I once had a single daughter come home pregnant. She lived with me for several months. I loved her baby, but she was nurturing and was the obvious mommy, not me. When she moved out, I did not hurt. I was happy for her. A few years later, I had the child a few months while she was getting help. When the little one went back to her, I did not hurt. Again, I was happy for her and the child. I love her child and love when I get to see him.

Unfortunately, most of the emails I get are from frightened and heart broken grandmothers. They want my advice. I wish I had good advice. If there is no obvious child abuse on the parent's part, or the parent is not obviously mentally ill, or a threat to the child, it may be hard for the grandparent to do anything but love them, pray, and have faith that there is a purpose for the path they are all on.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com

Children "sharing" or "taking turns"

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Today my two little granddaughters and I went to visit one of my grown daughters and her two daughters. Another little grandson was visiting as well. My daughter Jennifer explained such an intelligent simple thing to me that I had actually never thought about. When my grandson was having a problem because one of the other children would not "share" playing the piano with him. He was quite upset because they were suppose to share RIGHT NOW!. Jennifer explained to him that "No" they were not "sharing" they were "taking turns" and his turn was next.

Jennifer explained to me that in the excellent preschool her girls had gone to before they went into elementary school, the teacher had explained that small children do not really understand the concept of "sharing" but they do understand "taking turns."

I had never thought of explaining it to preschoolers that way. What a simple yet brilliant way to teach little ones. I was impressed with how well it worked. I wish I had thought of explaining things that way before my girls had learned the concept of sharing.

Karen Wright, B.S.
Grandmother raising grandchildren

Thanks to Donne at GaGA Sisterhood

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I would like to thank Donne Davis with GaGA Sisterhood for featuring me in her June column for Parenting on the Peninsula in the San Fransisco Bay area and on her Blog at http://gagasisterhood.com/2009/06/12/grandparents-raising-grandchildren/

There are so many grandparents who are raising grandchildren. I appreciate all of you who email me comments and questions, even when I do not have good answers for you.

For some grandparents their main support system may be the support they get from other grandparents over the Internet. It is interesting how small the world really is. I have communicated with grandparents from Washington state to Florida. We all face many of the same issues, hurts, and frustrations whether they are relationship, financial, or legal issues.

Thanks to all of you.

Karen Wright
Grandmother raising grandchildren

Adopting a grandchild in PA

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I received an email from a grandfather in Pennsylvania stating:

I'm looking for advice/comments from anyone that has adopted their grandchild in PA, the ups and downs they faced, what they would do differently etc.

If anyone has any experience with this, please feel free to leave a comment or email me directly at raisinggrandchildren@earthlink.net and I will forward your email address to this individual.

It is interesting how many emails I have received recently from grandparents who have or are in the process of adopting their grandchildren. I don't know if more grandparents are actually adopting or if more are just finding me and writing about it. For those that find themselves in this position and are able to adopt, I think it is great.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
grandmother raising grandchildren

Grandchildren and their varied interests

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

One thing I love is to watch the varied interests of my granddaughters. I find them most fascinating. One day they may be using their junior size hammer and nailing boards together to create something special, playing house and having tea parties, teaching their dolls and stuffed animals how to read, climbing trees, collecting bones, and yet being beautiful and performing in their ballet recital. Yet, they still have their times when they want to just lie around and watch t.v. But I believe they are well balanced.

It is delightful seeing them enjoy themselves in so many different ways. They are only six and eight now, and I so hope as they grow up, they continue to have fun in such a variety of ways.

Karen Wright
grandmother raising grandchildren

Grandparents and gated communities

By Karen Best Wright, http://raisingyourgrandchildren.com

Lou Ann, I enjoyed your comment "my favorite comment is 'I thought that we would live in a gated community in our 50's just didn't know that it would be baby gates!' "

I chuckled, because when our grandchildren came to live with us, we did live in a gated community. However, since our house was really too small for all of us and we couldn't afford a bigger house within our gated community, we moved out into the country in a big old farm house. I do love living way out here even if we don't have the conveniences we had before. But your comment hit home and made me smile. Thanks.

At 55 I did expect that my life would be a bit different than it is, but as so many grandparents have written, I wouldn't change things now. For me, since I had my first baby at 19 and had eight children and now raising grandchildren, I have never yet NOT been raising children. I expect I will live to be a very old woman and some day, they may be taking care of me. 

Karen Wright
grandmother raising grandchildren
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com

Raising Grandchildren in Faith

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Through the survey on my regular grandparents raising grandchildren's website, one of the questions is about positive experiences grandparents have. I have been impressed by the number of grandparents who share about the strength they get from their Faith. Sometimes they are referring to the church they belong to and the support they get from their fellow church members. Sometimes they are referring to the faith they have in God and the power he has in their lives. Sometimes grandparents express their feelings about their spiritual connections to God or the Divine power in their lives.

I very much believe in the power of Faith. I very much believe that the Christ Spirit, the Divine Spirit, God, or however one might describe their believe in God can bring great comfort and guidance into our lives. Many grandparents face tremendous challenges in their lives, and the connection to a Divine presence can bring direction to their thoughts, peace in their hearts, and perhaps even true miracles. Sometimes comfort comes simply by having the faith that the path we are on is for a reason, even when we do not understand why.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
grandmother raising grandchildren
http://raisingyourgrandchildren.com
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com

Why do some grandparent support groups succeed and others do not?

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

This post is a question to those of you who have had any experience with this. I appreciate all comments or emails to me.

As I read the many emails I get from grandmothers raising grandchildren, some say how their local support groups have helped them, while others have no support whatsoever. One grandmother wrote that the support group in her area disbanded after two years, because she was the only one still going.

So why is it difficult to get support groups going and successful? Since I have not had any luck getting a support group going in my area, I have my opinions on why some don't work. I have no experience on those that do work. So any input is welcome.

Grandparents who are raising grandchildren vary dramatically in their situations. Many grandparents work during the day, so are unable to attend daytime groups. If they don't work during the day and have small children, that poses another problem unless daycare is provided. If one works during the day, who wants to drag little kids to a meeting at night even if child care is provided? Some of course will want to, while others are exhausted and the thought is not appealing.

The most successful groups that I have read about seem to be started and maintained by groups other than by the tired grandparents themselves. Fun activities are provided for the children, while the grandparents relax, talk, and have snacks themselves.

A really good program will not only offer a sit around gap group, but will have assistance with legal concerns, financial assistance in some form, and education on issues they may never have dealt with before.

For me, I have found my greatest support to be a personal friend, my sister, and a couple of my grown daughters.

The most successful support groups seem to be in urban areas. Since I live in a rural community, perhaps that is why I have not found much support in my area. Please feel free to comment or email me with any success stories you may have.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
grandmother raising grandchildren
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com

Don't listen to the other kids!

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

It always concerns me when I see that one of my granddaughters is letting what other kids say to her influence her decisions, even simple unimportant ones. The other night when my first grader was going to bed, she was wearing her cute plaid capris. The conversation went something like this, "Those are not pajama bottoms." "Yes, they are." "No they are not, they are capris." "Well, Billy, and Lizzy, and Tommy said I was wearing pajamas. So I'm not going to wear them to school." At that I replied, "They are not pajamas. They are really cute purple and green plaid capris that you wear with a purple shirt. Just tell your friends that they are not pajamas and that they are being silly."

I honestly thought she would never wear them to school again, but a few days later she wore them and this time no one insisted she was wearing pajamas. I was really glad that she stood up for herself and did not let them determine what she was going to wear to school.

Karen Wright
grandmother raising grandchildren
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com

Grandparents raising grandchildren in Rome, Georgia

In Rome, Georgia, Mercy Senior Care’s group Grands Who Care is preparing for an information fair and family fun day for grandparents and their grandchildren on June 11.

The event will also include pony rides, face painting, a martial arts demonstration, and arts and crafts for children. The event hopes to help grandparents who may be raising their grandchildren.

The event will be from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. June 11 at the Senior Adult Recreation Center at Etowah Park. Parking, admission, and food are all free and the event is open to the public.

Karen Wright
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com

Great June Give-a-Away - Children's Book by Kristy Dempsey

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Be sure to comment to my posts during the month of June to get a chance to win the beautiful children's book, Me with You by Kristy Dempsey. This book is about the relationship between the little girl bear and the big male bear. What is so great about this book is that while you assume the big bear is grandpa, it doesn't really say that. So the big bear could be any other male role model that the little girls has a bonding relationship with. This beautiful book is great for all children, especially grandchildren given to them by a grandparent. So comment to my posts this month and get a chance to win this book.

Karen Wright
Grandmother raising grandchildren

Budget cuts affecting grandparent programs

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Every day I sift through Google Alert emails in my in-box about grandparents raising grandchildren. Of course many of the emails are unrelated to grandparents who are actually raising grandchildren. The emails might be about someone who raises chickens or goats and likes to visit their grandchildren.

However!

One thing I find puzzling is how in one state, programs are being started for grandparents who are raising grandchildren and in another state the existing programs are being cut due to budget cuts. Just today I read about a program in northern Michigan starting up through a County Commission on Aging and a program in Massachusetts being cut by the Agency on Aging. I find it interesting, yet disturbing, how Massachusetts cannot afford a support program for grandparents raising grandchildren, yet Michigan can.

Go figure.

Karen Wright
Grandmother raising grandchildren (but not in either Michigan or Massachusetts)

Washing two floors at once

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

My bathroom floors really needed to be washed, but it was one of those things that was down a ways on my to do list. However, today two of the bathroom floors got washed at the same time. I was actually already doing two things at once (totally different). I was cooking dinner and working in my office. As I was going back and forth across the house, I heard water running. At first I thought it was REALLY raining outside, but when I looked out the window, it was clear. So I listened a little harder, "Oh No!"

I ran into the downstairs bathroom and thought someone had left the shower running, but when I got in there I saw the water was coming from the ceiling and was everywhere. I ran upstairs to the bathroom above it to find the faucets running, the sink overflowing, and the floor covered with water.

I called to my granddaughter to bring me all of the old towels in the laundry room. When she did, she admitted to having left the water running. In tears she helped clean everything up. Between the two bathrooms, we used almost every towel in the house, including the soiled ones mopping up water. I told her she was going to need to find a way to get all of the towels to the laundry room for me to wash. She was very creative. "Can I use a big garbage bag?" I told that was a brilliant idea. So she loaded all of the towels into the lawn size garbage bag and dragged them into my office. "No, not my office. I can't wash them in here. Drag them into the laundry room." With a groan, yet pleased with herself, she did.

Now I have two very clean bathroom floors. However, I would not recommend cleaning floors this way.

Karen Wright
Grandmother Raising Grandchildren

Sometimes people care about the grandparents

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I came across three articles today on the Internet about the Grand Family Center in Newark, N.J. It is really nice to learn that some people really honestly care about grandparents who are raising grandchildren as well as the children.

According to one article at phillblurbs.com (not sure how long this link will work)

Officials from Newark, Essex County and the Salvation Army praised the creation of the Grand Family Center in Newark as the first in the state, and only the second in the nation behind the Grandparent Resource Center in Wilmington, Delaware.

Another article at nj.com stated about the center:

The center also provided free health screenings, family and after-school activities, and a chance to join educational programs, job skills and computer training, support groups and a summer day camp.

I know there are other places that have programs for grandparents raising grandchildren, but most of the emails I get are from grandmothers who are finding little support if any. I know of grandmothers who had hoped to get help starting even simple support groups by contacting their local social services, area agency on aging, university extension center, the social work department of a college, and even a couple of local churches with absolutely no luck.

So I am impressed and think it is great when people other than the tired grandmothers care enough to put together programs to help the children and their "old" moms.

Karen Wright
Grandmother raising grandchildren

Things that make me smile

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

In many of the emails that I get from grandmothers raising grandchildren, I often hear how much they enjoy listening to their grandchildren laugh and play. For many grandparents who have worried so much about their grandchildren, this is a tremendous relief to them.

Sunday afternoon, I sat on my porch and just rocked back and forth relaxing and listening to my 6 year old and 8 year old granddaughters playing. They could not see me because of the bushes by our porch, but I could hear everything they were saying. They were laughing and having so much fun just playing in the freshly cut grass. It was nice listening to them enjoying such simple fun. The oldest one said "Let's bury ourselves in the grass." The younger one, not liking that idea, retorted with "No, I don't want to get buried in the grass." But my oldest is the most daring and always wanting to try something new. I then heard her say to my almost horror, "Let's scare Mom and make her think I got my head cut off." At that, I piped up, "That is gross." Giggles came from the other side of the bushes.

Today, they played much of the afternoon in the sprinkler and had a ton of fun. By the looks of them, one would think that mud came out of our sprinkler. I think they were actually looking like mud pies on purpose. They were cute mud pies though, and I smiled.

WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE?

Karen Wright
Grandmother Raising Grandchildren

Mentoring Program for Chicago Youth

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I received an email today with information about a youth mentoring program in Chicago, Illinois for youth ages 4 - 17 whose parents are incarcerated. The program is called Making Mentoring Meaningful. Another name is Mentoring Children of Prisoners.

Making Mentoring Meaningful mentors meet with their mentees at least twice a month for 2-3 hours per activity/outing.  Activities could include seeing movies, going to lunch, visiting  a park or simply running errands.  We also offer group activities that allow matches to get together  and participate in community service projects, and attend sporting events and holiday parties.  Don’t delay—we have a child that would love to meet you!! “We Need You.”

You can check out the Chicago Youth Centers website at http://www.chicagoyouthcenters.org

I appreciate all of the emails I get from people letting me know about any services in their areas that help children who may be living with grandparents or other relatives for whatever reason it is.

Thanks Rosie for the information

Karen Wright
Grandmother Raising Grandchildren

Do we have to do this?

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I receive several emails from grandparents on a daily basis, and one thing that concerns me is when I hear comments like, "We shouldn't have to be doing this." I have deep empathy for these feelings. However, we must remember that we "don't have" to raise our grandchildren. Now I know when we look at the alternative, it looks worse. It probably is worse. But I think it is important to remember that we are choosing to raise our grandchildren. Not all grandparents either want to or are in a position at all to be able to even make that choice, even if they were needed.

If a grandparent gets to a point that he or she feels that raising children is just not something that they can do anymore, for whatever reason, there are other options. These options may look horrid and may make a grandparent change her mind, but there are options. When we get discouraged, our spirits can be lifted when we remind ourselves that we made this choice. We may never know in this lifetime why our lives took the path they did, but I believe someday we will understand the bigger picture, and then we will say, "Now, I understand."

I pray daily that the Lord will clear my mind and bring peace to my sometimes troubled soul. When I pray, I invision that angels are pouring their light through me guiding my path, my thoughts, and my actions. Sometimes I can feel the angels there and sometimes I feel utterly alone. I don't understand why sometimes my soul is so open and other times it feels so blocked. It is probably because I do not put enough effort and faith into my prayers.

I didn't intend on making this post a sermon, but it looks like that is what it has turned into. Since these are my writings, I guess I can preach if I feel like preaching. I am really just preaching to myself and then sharing it with others.

Karen Wright, B.S.
Grandmother raising grandchildren
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com

Teen Green Summer Camp in Garland, Texas

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I received an email today with information about the YMCA Teen Green Summer Camp Program in Garland, TX. I thought I would pass on this info.

The Teen Green Summer Camp is a Low Cost service learning specialty camp for youth not living in the home with their parents.This camp will provide this unique group of teens a rare opportunity to experience the benefits of service learning through the eyes of the volunteer. They will participate in developmentally appropriate activities that will develop character and a sense of pride in community. Community volunteers will be used to lead seminars and hold educational classes on health, budgeting, college and other life skills. They will have an opportunity to build a social network with teens in similar living situations by participating in a weekly service project, field trips, environmental education classes and regular camp activities.  The teens can feel comfortable to be open and honest and have an opportunity to be in an environment that gives them a since of belonging. We will continue this program in the Fall and Spring as a Teen Green Club. During these months the youth will meet on a Bi-Weekly basis to identify and help plan community service projects that are environmentally based.

Each teen will be charged 200.00 for the entire eight weeks. This will include field trips Lunch and a snack. If a student is in the custody of the state and has a case worker Wednesdays' Child will pay the entire cost. If the child is with a relative but is not the custody of the state we will work payment arrangements with the Family.  Please contact me with any further questions you may have.

If you live in Garland, TX and would like more information about this summer program, contact Terrie Eley, the Program Director at the Garland YMCA at (972) 272-3484 Ex 17

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
Grandmother Raising Grandchildren
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

"Me with You" picture book - pefect for grandchildren

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I received a copy of the new book Me with You from the author Kristy Dempsey for my give-a-way next month (June). I love picture books that are so perfect for grandparents and grandchildren. Because the book does not give a definite relationship between the Big Bear and the little girl bear, it is perfect for whatever relationship the child has with the adult.

I read the book and was so touched that I thought, "I don't want to give this book away." But I will since that is why it was sent to me. Of course, you must understand that I have read it to my girls and probably will a few more times before I send it to the person who wins it. However, I am keeping it stored in its bubble wrap and envelope for safe keeping.

So watch for more details about it on my give-a-way page in June. Until then, you can learn more about it on Amazon.

Karen Wright
Grandmother raising grandchildren
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
http://blogforhealthyliving.com

Letting children earn money

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I have never been one who handed kids an allowance. I know a lot of people do. I just have never been one of them. I do, however, encourage my grandchildren to earn money by doing work. They know how much cleaning out the litter box or sweeping the floor is worth. Our home has only hard floors, no carpet, so there are plenty of floors to sweep.

Today I walked into the kitchen and saw my 6 year-old granddaughter at the kitchen sink washing dishes. The sink was about to over-flow with soapy water, and her sleeves were soaking wet. She was scrubbing out a measuring cup with a long-handled dish scrub brush and said, "This is like I am scratching its back." I thought that was very cute and creative thinking.

I was curious at why she was wanting to wash dishes and decided to ignore the water that was getting on the floor and just let her do her thing, while I was in and out of the kitchen doing my own thing. Finally I asked her, "My, why are you being so ambitious?" She answered simply, "To Get Money. Plus, I get more since you didn't even ask me to do the dishes." You just can't get a cuter or more industrious child than that.

I do not pay children to clean up their own things, but we are never short on jobs that can be done for cash. There are always floors to be swept, a litter box to be cleaned, or pets to be fed, and my little one will do them all. I hope she stays this way.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
Grandmother raising grandchildren
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com

When you are the outside grandparent

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

On my April 13, 2009 post, I wrote a bit about being the "outside" grandparent. I feel prompted to write more on this subject. I receive many emails from grandparents, and I spend time thinking and pondering what they write. This is a touchy subject for many grandparents and can be a hurtful one at that.

If I come across a bit preachy and should I offend anyone, please understand that is not my intention. I am sharing what is in my heart at this moment. What I am about to write sometimes comes easy for me to do and other times it comes with great difficulty.

When I am facing a very difficult situation, and believe me I have had plenty of them over the past seven years, I kneel in front of an antique trunk that has a cloth over it with a candle and a beautiful picture of Christ on it. I kneel and pretend that I am touching the hem of Christ's garment and praying that his spirit will flow through me. I pray for guidance, transparency to understand a situation, and I pray for compassion for those I may be in conflict with. I also pray that angels will surround my loved ones and myself and touch our souls.

It is so easy to look at others and feel angry, see their faults (which may be very obvious to all), and want to charge in and take over. Sometimes we may have to do that and other times we may not. My point is whichever is the path we must take, we must learn to deal with those involved with the love of Christ flowing through us. Do we stop and ask God, "Lord how do YOU want me to deal with this?" With faith, I believe the Lord will guide us through our trials even when the results may bring pain and despair.

When we pray with a sincere heart that the Spirit of Christ will guide our every thought and action, it is amazing how much better we deal with other people. That does not mean that the other person will feel it. They may be so blocked off from love, that positive energy does not penetrate their anger or protective shell. But I believe in miracles. And we may be the ones who must exhibit the love of Christ even if the love is not returned.

I am no shining example of how we accomplish what I am writing. I only know it is a journey and a journey worth traveling.

Karen Wright
grandmother raising grandchildren.com
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.Blogforhealthyliving.com

How well do your children or grandchildren know you?

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Today being Mother's Day, the girls made me Mother's Day cards in Sunday School Class. I got a good chuckle out of the cards. The cards had each of their pictures glued to it, which of course was adorable. But what was funny was the fill-in the blank statements they made about me. Both girls (6 and 8) were in agreement that Mom's favorite food is beans, bean soup, and chicken, and they both wrote that my favorite color is purple. They also both wrote that I like it when they help me. Those things are definitely true.

The funny parts were their perception on other things. One fill-in the blank was "My mom's favorite vacation spot is ________. My 6 year-old granddaughter wrote "nothing," and my 8 year-old granddaughter wrote the "beach." I had to laugh at both of them. We really do not get too much vacationing, so I can't really expect them to know what I would do if I could really go on a real vacation. If I had the money and time, I would rent a cabin way back in the mountains and relax, write, and hike. But the girls do not know that. Mostly what we do in the summer is go to the local state park and go to the beach (because this is what the children like to do.) Sitting in the hot sun trying NOT to get sunburned really is not my cup of tea. I much prefer hiking in the mountains. Perhaps this summer we need to venture a bit further than our local state park and find some mountains.

The next funny thing they wrote was the fill-in statement "What my mother likes best about being a mother is _________." The oldest child left her's blank so I could fill it in and sign it. The younger child filled her blank with, "She can tell people what to do." I really laughed at that one. You see, I'm really the naive type that thinks everyone is just suppose to know what to do so I don't have to tell them. I detest needing to tell people what to do, whether they are a child or husband. But I guess she perceives that this is part of being a mother I like. Oh, dear brother, what a miscommunication.

Another funny one was the fill-in the blank of "In her free time, Mom likes to _________." The oldest one wrote "cook." I really dislike cooking. I cook merely because we need to eat. The younger child wrote, "work on the computer." I "work" for pay on my computer daily. But in my "free" time, I really would rather be reading a book or organizing something. But I guess since I spend so much time on the computer, she must think that is all I want to do. I try to explain when I am on the computer and need to not be disturbed that I am working for other people to earn money to buy our food and clothes, but I guess her perception is that it is more fun than it is. I do not and I mean I really DO NOT play games on the computer.

But I did have a good Mother's Day. Two of my grown daughters stayed over Saturday night. After putting my granddaughters to bed and the visiting grandchildren, my daughters and I watched, "Because I said so" with Diane Keaton. It was sort of like a slumber party. Then they all went to my church with me. We came home and had a cook out. Our big yard is really almost like a park with a big swing set, teeter totter, play house, picnic tables, and of course the grill.

We really did have such a nice day.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
Grandmother raising grandchildren
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com

Congratulations Susan

by Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Congratulations goes to Susan at http://grandparents.about.com for winning the April give-a-way item of the Fold-up Barbaire doll kitchen fabric panel. Instructions are included. I hope your grandchildren or some other children you know will enjoy it. Let me know how to get this to you.

I know I haven't written in my Blog for a while. I will start doing better with this soon.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com

Reading with Grandchildren

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I enjoy reading with my granddaughters before they go to bed. We take turns reading a Bible story before bed and then I read a short story or chapter of our current book. Right now we are reading Ramona Quimby Age 8. I have been really stressed lately, so it was really fun to read and laugh together at some of the funny situations Ramona gets herself into. My 8-year-old was so interested in the story that she read it by herself not long ago. So I have to remind her NOT to tell the rest of us what is going to happen in the next chapter.

We have so many books in our home, and my 6-year-old has already picked "The Little Princess" to read next, even though we have already read it. The last book we read was a book of Fairy Tales. It took us probably about a month to get through it. And my! were there some horrid stories we read. I actually skipped some of the words while reading. But we were determined to get through the book. We all just sort of said, "Yuck, that is disgusting" at parts of the stories.

I much prefer reading Ramona Quimby, The Little Princess, or Sarah Plain and Tall.

Karen Wright
Grandmother Raising Grandchildren
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com
www.SeniorPro.com

Heading home with pink crystals for grandchildren

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

What a wonderful time I have had in Louisiana visiting my son and grandson and my grandson's other grandmother and grandfather. We leave to go home in the morning, a 1000 mile drive.

We finished painting the little room that will be his playroom. What a job for such a tiny room, and I only stepped in the paint pan once, with my sandals on. Yuck, what a mess. Painting the room probably means more to me than my grandson, but that's okay.

We took a picture after we put the primer on the walls and after we had finished the room completely but had forgotten to take a before picture. I wonder why I seem to always forget to take the before pictures of my projects.  I will miss my grandson when we leave, but I am eager to get home to my little granddaughters who live with us and give them the beautiful pink crystal rocks that I bought for them. I didn't even look for any bones. I will leave that to them.

Karen Wright, B.S.
Grandmother raising grandchildren
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com

Still in Louisiana

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Well, I lucked out big time. My son was actually able to come on shore for a few days, so we have gotten to see him as well. How wonderful. The tricky thing has been what to do with my grandson that he could long remember. I am not very big on going and wasting money on things that will be forgotten, especially when money is tight. So we decided to redo his little tiny playroom that he has. By redoing it, I merely mean repainting it and buying him a bookcase and organizing things. This way we have left something that he can always remember.

What a chore it has been. It had lady bugs, bears, and trees painted in bright colors all over the wall on top of bright yellow paint. So after several coats of high hide primer, we are ready to paint the light icy blue paint he picked out. We will finish it tomorrow.

I admit while I love being down here spending time with my son and grandson, I am eager to get home and get my girls (granddaughters) back  home and get back settled into our routine. Plus I can't do all of the "work" I need to do because all of my programs are not on my laptop. I need to remedy that problem.

But the trip has been successful, lot's of bonding and love.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
grandmother raising grandchildren
http://raisingyourgrandchildren.com
www.blogforhealthyliving.com
www.SeniorPro.com

Visiting Grandson in Louisiana

By Karen Best Wright, B.S. www.raisingyourgrandchildren.com

The two grandchildren we are raising are visiting their mother for spring break. So I decided that it was past time to visit my 8-year-old grandson in Louisiana (1000 miles from me) who I had not seen for almost 3 years. Unfortunately, I am not able to see my son, because he works off shore and was called out to work. At first my grandson was afraid I would cancel my trip when his daddy was not going to be here. No way, I was on my way to visit my grandson.

My son and his wife are separated, so things could have been tricky. But fortunately both sides of the family are kind and have common sense. I spent Easter Sunday with the big family gathering of his other grandmother's family. This was only the second time I had met any of them. But this trip was a special trip, and it became obvious to us all that I am part of their family whatever happens. The other grandmother was afraid that I would not want my grandson to participate in their family Easter reunion since I get down here so seldom. I assured her, "now that you know me better, you should never worry about that again." So we had a bonding experience. It was really nice for me to see how much my grandson is loved by my daughter-in-laws side of the family. I am the outsider, so it was wonderful being included in their family reunion. We even took a picture of our grandson with his two grandmothers. I will frame the picture, so our grandson can hang it on his wall and always remember that he has two grandmothers who love him very much.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
grandmother raising grandchildren
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com
www.RaisingYourGrandchlden.com
www.SeniorPro.com

Should or should I not raise my grandchildren?

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I am writing this post for the grandparents out there who are in the process of being forced with the decision of whether or not they should raise their grandchildren.

I recently received an email from a grandmother who had taken in 3 grandchildren. There was no possibility for the children to ever go back to the mother and the different fathers. The grandmother was discouraged and had health problems. She had two weeks to decide whether or not she and her husband would take permanent custody of the children, adopt them, or let someone else adopt them.

This is a very difficult decision to make, and there is no one right answer for everyone. I feel for the grandparents who carry the guilt that they must raise another family when their health is poor and they are overwhelmed at even the thought of it. Yet, they love their grandchildren dearly.

I just want to say to grandparents in this situation. After you have prayed very intently on this decision and feel that the children and yourselves would be better off for you not to raise them, do not go on a guilt trip and destroy yourself. Sometimes when children come with very severe abuse issues, it can be more than an older grandparent or even a younger grandparent can handle. This grandmother who wrote me felt like she was a horrible person because she didn't know what to do. The decision that is made needs to be the right one for everyone, even the grandparent.

While some grandparents are fortunate enough to get little children or babies before they have had a chance to become severely abused and destructive, other grandparents are not so fortunate and may actually be faced with a situation that they honestly can not handle for the long term. So whatever decisions are made, each grandparent can only do the best they can do and must some times let others take over when they can not.

Those of us who are raising our grandchildren must never pass judgment on those who feel that they cannot. I hope there are not any of us out there like that.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
grandmother raising grandchildren
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

This is what I mean about the difference between foster care and grandparents raising grandhcildren

By Karen Best Wright, B.S. www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

The other day I was reading a news article online from Montana. I read about a grandmother who had raised three grandchildren for 7 years. Then her daughter shows back up and only has to petition the court to get her kids back. After 7 years and that is all she did? The judge recommended, mind you, recommended that the children have visitation with the grandmother. Well, the mother moved out of state and the grandmother rarely gets to see them.

Now, if the children had been wards of the state in the foster care system, this most likely would never have happened. The states do not let children just hang in the foster care system (or at least they shouldn't) for years without trying to get them adopted or in permanent situations.

This is where there is a great need for laws to change to help grandparents who have taken on the parenting roll. They should have the same rights as the government has. I am appalled that such a thing could happen without the consent of the grandmother who had taken over the mother role for seven years. The article did not say if the children were appointed an attorney or not. This grandmother was an educated woman with a responsible job. It is not like she was living in squalor and the children were better off somewhere else. This is the type of thing that raises my blood pressure.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
www..BlogforHealthyLiving.com
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.SeniorPro.com

Congratulations Jean for winning March's Free Give-a-Way

Congratulations Jean

Congratulations goes to Jean at http://www.quiltingranny.blogspot.com for winning March's free give-a-way, the Fabric Panel Map of the U.S. I hope you do something fun with it for your grandchildren.

Check out April's free give-a-way item.

Karen Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
Grandmother raising grandchildren
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com

Grandparent visitation rights - Why and Why Not?

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

This is a very important and hot topic and one that has both sides upset about it. I do not have any good answers, but I have my opinions on the topic. I am not for blanket grandparent visitation rights. It actually makes no sense to me. Just because my daughter and her husband have children does not give me inherent rights to them. (Now if they were to turn them over to me to raise, I would have different feelings and beliefs). Ideally, people should love each other and want to have bonding relationships together. But obviously life is not ideal for many.

Since I am a grandmother raising grandchildren, you would think I would be admittedly for grandparent visitation rights. But I am not. It is not that simple. I am in favor of whatever is in the best interest of the child and yes the parents matter too. Since every child is different as well as their relationship with their grandparents, there cannot be one law that would be right for everyone.

There are laws that fit everyone, "do not steal, do not kill, do not beat people up, do not drive recklessly," etc. but when it comes to relationships, it is a case by case issue. 

Now let's flip the coin. My opinion changes when a grandparent has become an important part of that child's life. Perhaps that grandparent has been the child's part-time or full-time caregiver or has just developed a very strong bond with the child. If a grandparent is actually raising a grandchild, then they most definitely should have legal rights. But back to mere visitation. If the bond is unncessarily broken between a child and the grandparent, emotional harm could be done to the child. There are a lot of scenario's where this might happen, such as in the death of an adult child and the other parent moves far away, or a divorce where an adult child loses all rights and obviously so would the grandparents.

However, let me flip the coin over once again. I will make up a fictional scenario (which in many families is NOT fictional). A grandparent is raising a grandchild because her own child is unable to raise the child and the other parent severely abused the child which caused long-term psychological trauma. The last thing the custodial grandparent might want is the other grandparents on the other side of the family visiting the child continually reminding the child of the severe abuse that was suffered. Sometimes these children need to be protected from their harmful past. Even if the other set of grandparents did not directly harm the child, their continual involvement could be detrimental to the the child and the custodial grandparent.

If a grandparent is not allowed to develop a relationship with a grandchild and the grandchild is not in danger and is being well cared for, perhaps the left-out grandparent needs to trust God and keep a record of their own lives through a journal of pictures and writings to be given to the grandchild when he or she is an adult.

When I see people fighting for across the board grandparent visitation rights it is very uncomfortable to me. As a parent and now a grandparent raising grandchildren, I would not want to be forced to let the other grandparents visit my child if I thought it would be detrimental to them or too stressful on me. And yes, I believe my health and level of stress I experience is important, since I am the one raising children 24 hours a day and the children are dependent on my well-being as well.

Karen Wright, B.S. Pathway to Healthy Living
Grandmother raising grandchildren
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com

Sewing cute skirts for kids cheap, no sewing machine required.

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Some time ago a grandmother, knowing that I had made a skirt for one of my granddaughters for less than a dollar asked me to explain what I did. So here this is, my response to a very old request, sorry for the delay.

My girls like to wear skirts (they are 6 and 8). I wear skirts a lot, very few dresses, but lots of skirts. So perhaps that is why they like them so, who knows.

I shop at thrift stores and look for really cute adult or junior size skirts that have been marked down to about $1. The skirt above (in its original form), I believe I purchase for about $.25. The original skirt had an elastic waste band with stretched out elastic. I took out the elastic, cut the skirt down a bit at the top of the skirt to make the skirt the correct length. I turned down the waistline toward the inside of the skirt about an inch and stitched it down by hand. I wanted to watch a T.V. show while I did the project. After finishing the stitching, with a safety pin on one end of the new non-roll elastic cut to fit her, I pulled it through the new waste band space.

A couple of  years ago when my granddaughter needed a black skirt for a school performance, I thought, "Where in the heck am I going to find a black skirt for a 6 year old out here in my rural community." I found the cutest black skirt at the thrift store in a junior size that had adorable black embroidery around the lower 6 inches of the skirt. I did the same thing as described above and it turned out perfect.

The key is finding skirts that have a cute style that you can take advantage of. Such as a cute hem decoration or layers of some sort, like the one above. This is much easier and cheaper than making a skirt from scratch, and you don't need to know how to use a sewing machine. You are also guaranteed that your child will not go to school or church and find someone else wearing the exact same thing.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
Grandmother raising grandchildren
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

One more for the weekend

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

This weekend my little 5 -year-old grandson spent the weekend with us. We bribed him. If he would be really good at school all week from Tuesday to Friday (Monday was not his best day), he could come and spend the weekend with us. He loves to play with his 2 cousins (the two we are raising) and was so excited to see our new playhouse. After he played in it a while, I asked him how he liked it. With a big smile, he replied, "Oh, it is so awesome." He is such a cutey. On my Feb 20th post I have a graphic of a sample bookmark with his picture on it. The download-able graphic of course does not have his picture in it. The box for the picture is of course empty, so you can put your own child's picture in it.

Tonight he's back home with his mommy and daddy and my two little ones are in bed, so now I think I'll collapse and go watch something on T.V., except I can hear the television on in the living room, and my husband is watching something about "insects." Oh by the way, my girls found another skeleton; We think a rabbit. They begged to add it to their bone collection. I made no promises, but it is soaking in a big bowl of bleach water. I need to get a special trunk or something just for the bones they collect. Why can't we just stick with rocks and shells?

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
Grandmother raising grandchildren

www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com
www.PathwaytoHealthyLiving.com
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.SeniorPro.com

Needing a Daddy

Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

This post is going to be a bit different from what I usually write. But for some reason I feel compelled to write about what I am feeling. I miss my dad. I have been crying for 3 days because I miss my dad. My father died 4 years ago, and I really didn't cry much when he died. He was fortunate however; He died peacefully in his sleep in his own bed. He was 82 and was preparing for his annual winter trip to Mexico in his motor home.

So why am I crying now and wanting my dad? I guess there are a lot of reasons. Even though my father was not the nicest person, especially when he was drinking, I do have some good memories. I loved to sit on his lap; Even when I was a teenager I was known to crawl on his lap and just snuggle with him in his big Lazy Boy recliner. I felt so safe snuggled up near him. My dad totally trusted me as a teenager, enough to ask me to quit my job at 16 (working in the cherry factory) because he needed me to supervise his workers out in the orchards.

Now these adult male workers were not going to listen to a 16 year-old girl when she said it was not time to quit working for the day, but my father knew he could trust everything I told him, and that I was a hard worker. That means a lot to me just knowing that.

I can remember as an adult going to visit him for a week. I was crying to him about problems I was having with one of my own kids. He usually didn't have kind soft words to say, and I expected him to say something like, "Well, you wanted all of those kids." But he didn't. He kindly responded, "Honey, I'm sorry this is so difficult for you."

I can remember one visit I had with him when he was doing quite a bit of drinking and was talking in a rather vulgar way. I told my children to get in the car. I told my dad we were leaving because I did not teach my children things like that. He responded with an ugly retort. At that I leaned over him, kissed him on the forehead, and said, "I love you Dad, even if we don't get along sometimes." He responded softly with, "I love you too Babe." It was five years before I saw him again. But the words, "I love you too, Babe" are branded in my brain and heart forever.

So I cry. I cry because I want to talk to my dad and tell him I miss him. One night I dreamt of my dad. I ran to him and threw my arms around his neck and cried and said, "Oh Daddy, I miss you so much." He responded, "I miss you too." But that was just a night time dream, a dream I desperately needed.

Because I am in such a tearful mood, I cry for all of the foster children and grandchildren who will never even have the few good memories I have had. This makes me sad, very sad. So I pray that all of the grandfathers and foster fathers out there will do the best they can, to be some little girl's dad that will help her feel safe and someone to go to when she is grown. Of course, I want the same for all of the little boys too.

Karen Wright, B.S Community Health Education
Grandmother raising grandchildren
www.PathwaytoHealthyLiving.com
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.SeniorPro.com

Helping Children Avoid Obesity

Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

In a society filled with fast food restaurants at every corner and junk food an almost staple in many families' homes, becoming overweight is a major threat issue for many children.

Obesity in children and adolescents has more than tripled since 1980, and it is serious. Children who are overweight are more likely to have high blood pressure, develop Type 2 diabetes, sleep apnea, and asthma, not to mention low self-esteem and low self-image.

The National Institute of Health as well as other agencies have put together the "We Can" program, which stands for "Ways to Enhance Children's Activity & Nutrition." Click here to go to their site. There is a lot of very good information. This link takes you directly to a very colorful nutrition 2 page pdf handout. This colorful handout shows kids the "Go" foods (the ones to eat a lot of), the "Slow" foods (the foods to eat some of), and the "Whoa" foods (the ones to watch out for such as fried foods, sodas, and any foods to eat sparingly or not at all). There is some great information on the Internet to help us teach our children and grandchildren how to eat healthy and be active.

Sometimes grandparents need all of the help we can get in teaching our grandchildren and changing existing poor habits they may already have had. Chances are when grandparents get children to raise, they were probably not taught healthy living habits. Of course if grandparents are raising children because of a tragic death, that may not be the case. But for most grandparents that I hear from, they are raising children whose health is already a concern.

Since I am raising girls, I emphasize to them that by eating the super healthy food I provide for them, it will help them grow up to have beautiful skin and hair. I also stress the importance that healthy living has on our brains. We talk a lot about protecting our brains, I mean a lot.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
A Grandmother raising grandchildren

Pathway to Healthy Living
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Difficulties vs. Misery

By Karen Best Wright, http://www.raisingyourgrandhcildren.com

Tonight a speaker on a television show made the statement, "Difficulties are inevitable, but misery is an option." I really liked that, so I jotted it down in my journal. We all face difficult times, everyone does, but the challenges and difficulties do not need to make us miserable. Difficulties are a fact of life, but misery is a state of mind. I remember the times about ten years ago when I would go rock climbing with friends. It was very difficult, but misery was the last of my emotions. I loved it. Now, I chose that difficult task, so that was of course different from difficult tasks that were thrust upon me.

However, if we can keep this quote in mind or tape it to our desk or computer, "Difficulties are inevitable, but misery is an option," it will be easier to view our undesired challenges with a different attitude. If we see these difficulties as an opportunity to learn and grow into a better and stronger person, it can help us avoid that terrible feeling misery. If you even catch yourself thinking the thoughts, "I am so miserable," stop immediately and say, "No I am just having a difficult time but I am NOT miserable." You certainly don't want to make that true and then get stuck that way.

Karen Wright, B.S Grandmother raising grandchildren
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

What Children Collect - How about these?

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

 

My granddaughters are much like I am; They love to collect rocks, especially pretty ones. But their latest collection is one of bones. That's right, bones. The bone on the right side in this photo was actually found in a public park not far from a big city. How in the world could a bone like that be in a public park? We guessed it must be the jaw bone of a large dog. My granddaughter (age 8) was so enthralled, I couldn't say "no." I was actually quite fascinated with it as well.

The bone on the left was found by our 6 year old on our own property. I do not know what it is from. I cannot tell if it is from a small animal like a squirrel or a huge snake. We have both live critters like that around here.

I soaked the spiny skeleton in bleach water before I would let her keep it. I guess I have two budding paleontologists or archeologists in our home. As for me, I will stick to collecting rocks.

Karen Wright, B.S. Grandmother Raising Grandchildren
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Finally, My Very Own Playhouse

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

When I was a young girl, I loved to play house, probably like most little girls. I lived on a cherry farm. So during the summertime, I would build playhouses out of cherry lugs, that is until the pickers needed them, and my house was taken apart. I built them over and over again building fond memories along the way.

I also would go into the woods to play by myself and build a playhouse simply by taking rocks and making the outline of a house. Nature supplied all of my needs to create whatever I needed in decorating my house. I built this house, without walls, right next to a big old tree with a huge broken limb that I would sit and bounce on like a teeter-totter, and my swing-set was simply an old tire with a rope tied to a tree.

But I always wanted a real playhouse, the kind no one would take apart or the kind that had real walls and a roof. Well, I finally got my playhouse at 55. We bought it for our grandchildren, but I am certain I am as excited as they are. I told them in the summer we would put an air mattress in it and sleep overnight in it. My eight year old looked at me with a grin on her face and said, "You're not going to do that." I replied, "Of course, I am. It's better than a tent."

My grandchildren (this is for all of them not just the ones who live with me) not only have a real playhouse, but a real swing-set and teeter-totter too. I hope they build just as many wonderful memories as I did as a kid.

Karen Wright, B.S. Grandmother Raising Grandchildren
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com

Great Grandmother Raising a Toddler

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Tonight I was reading an article on-line from a Miami, Florida newspaper about a great grandmother who is raising 3 grandchildren and was just awarded custody of a toddler. Apparently, the judge initially denied her request for custody even though the Department of Children and Families also requested that she be granted custody. After a lengthy hearing the judge reversed his original decision that had been based on his belief that a 61 year old woman was too old to raise a toddler. I read the article and actually shed tears in gratitude that the little guy was with family and out of the foster care system. However, my tears were also for the foster mother who wanted to adopt him.

Too old at 61? This woman may live another 40 years. I would not like to be labeled "too old" at 61. That's only 6 years away for me, and I'm healthier now than I was 20 years ago.

Anyway, it was an interesting article. If you are interested, the article can be found at http://www.miamiherald.com/news/southflorida/story/955237.html 

I don't know how long the newspaper keeps links to articles, but for now it can be read. I find this great grandmother, Joyce Thompson, to be an inspiring woman.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
Grandmother Raising Grandchildren
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Why Parenting Grandchildren is Different than Parenting your own Children

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

The other day I was on a website with an article about grandparents raising grandchildren. I really do not know how I even got there. You know how it is, you click on this link, then that link, and you eventually end up somewhere, but you don't know where.

Anyway the author of the article was stating something about how parenting grandchildren is really not that different than when we parented our own children. I was surprised by that statement. I do not believe she was a grandmother raising grandchildren, just an author who had apparently read a bit about the subject.

I beg to differ with this writer. Now while the day to day disciplining such as time outs or no treats for misbehavior might be the same, grandparents raising grandchildren have an extra set of challenges that they didn't have when they were raising their own children.

Please keep in mind, that I too write about what others have told me. I do not write everything from my own experiences, thank goodness. However, I do have first hand understanding of the many challenges that these grandparents face.

I suppose the closest thing you can compare some grandparents' experiences with is a really ugly divorce where everyone fights about who should have the children or how they should be raised. When a grandparent is raising grandchildren, they are also often dealing with their own adult child who may be angry, mentally ill, incarcerated, or just plain having terrible issues to deal with themselves. A grandparent may be faced with "should I adopt my grandchildren or not? Should I seek full custody or just temporarily take the children into my home?" This is not something they had to face when they were raising their own children.

Another big issues is the mental health of the grandchildren who may have a history of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. Many grandparents get children who have either been abused or suffer from a variety of mental health issues. As parents, these grandparents may have dealt with these same issues with their own children but not when they first got them.

Many times grandparents are raising grandchildren who came to them on a moment's notice. Sometimes it is the opposite. The grandparents started off as part-time caregivers. Then one day, they found themselves "caregiving" full-time and were then faced with the legal issues of what to do next.

So while the simple issues of "go sit in time-out for 5 minutes and think about what you did," may be the same as what the average parent might do, most everything else is very different. New skills need to be developed by most grandparents on how to deal with emotionally battered or neglected children to dealing with the other adults who may or may not be an everyday challenge.

Every situation is different, but lucky is the grandparent who does not have some of the difficult challenges faced by many grandparents raising grandchildren today.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
Grandmother Raising Grandchildren
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com
www.PathwaytoHealthyLiving.com

Tips on Helping Children Build a Safe Website

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

My granddaughter has watched me build various websites for people and has taken special interest in the Blogs that I write. The other day, she begged me to help her create her own website. She wanted her own so she could write about what she is learning. She is a straight A student and loves to learn and wants to express herself on line so her friends and family can read and comment on what she has to say.

So after being badgered for a while, I decided to give it a try. Now I didn't want to go to the expense and time to create a complicated website that we would need paid hosting and a comprehensive program to run, and I certainly didn't want to connect her to one of my websites and expose her identity, so we opted for a freebie Blog on the Internet.

Within minutes we had her own Blog created. Of course the Blog actually belongs to me since she is not 13, but she gets to write what she wants with my supervision. She was so excited. But I had a lot to learn about keeping her identity secret and her safe from wandering around and finding things I thought not to her best interest. Here are a few things I learned and what we did about doing a free blog for her.

• She made up a name that she goes by. That was fun for her. This is just in case anyone comes across her blog besides her family and friends.
• Her profile is honest, just no identifying information about her name or where she lives.
• Her picture is one when she was very young, a picture she loves but does not look like her today.
• I did not fill in her interests in the boxes provided because they were hyperlinked to other blogs that stated they had the same interest. I didn't want that. Maybe there is a way for them to be un-hyperlinked, but I hadn't figured that out. So anything about her is in one place that has no hyperlinks in it.
• Her email address goes right into my Outlook box, so it has to get past me before she gets it.
• She is giving her website information to her teachers at school, church, family, and friends.

She is having so much fun writing about her interests and is eager for her family and friends to start making comments on her very own website. If anyone should make inappropriate comments, I will promptly remove them, but that's not likely to happen if only her friends and family are responding. This little girl is extremely intelligent and very eager to write and share her thoughts with the world but under an assumed name for now. When she is much older, like 30, we may change our tactic.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
Grandmother raising grandchildren
www.BlogforHealthyliving.com
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.SeniorPro.com
www.PathwaytoHealthyLiving.com

Children - Learning and Playing On-line

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Grandpa Shayne, I'm looking forward to Part 2 of your article "Keeping Kids Safe Online." http://www.grandparentstlc.com/blog/

  The other day while working on my computer, my eight year old granddaughter was on the kids' computer about 3' from me playing kid games on an appropriate website. All of a sudden, I heard all of this violent yelling, so I looked at her computer to see what in the world was going on. That is exactly what I saw, "what in the world was going on."

My granddaughter is learning about Egypt in 2nd grade and is very fascinated with ancient Egypt. So in the address bar of the computer she had typed in Egypt.com and from there had clicked on something else. What she appeared to be watching was Egyptian news of an angry riot with men yelling in a language I did not understand. I may not have understood the words being yelled, but I certainly understood the emotions being displayed.

I immediately made her get off of the Internet, explained to her the importance of not doing what she did without my supervision, and let her play a simple game on the computer, but not on-line. I told her today we would help her research appropriate children's information about Egypt together. We did research together and found some good information for kids. We both learned about the process of ancient Egyptian mummification, rather grotesque if you ask me, but we had fun. We went to Ancient Egypt Kids Connection and found various interesting links.

So Grandpa Shayne, please write part 2 of your article.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.SeniorPro.com

Jump Roping with your Grandkids

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

The other day I was reading an article about exercising in March's Consumer Report. The #2 item they suggested to purchase for home use was a jump rope. I read the article, got psyched up, and got out my really nice jump rope with swivel handles that I had purchased several years ago and never used. I'm surprised I even knew where it was with all of the moves I have made in the past 20 years.

I attempted to jump rope on the porch. My 6 year old said, "That's not jump roping; That's skip roping." Whatever it was I was doing, I wasn't doing a very good job at it. The article in the magazine was helpful. I learned that my jump rope was way too long for me, and I'm not short. Only one problem, the jump rope was not adjustable. So I purchased the only adjustable one I could find at the closest sporting goods store. My 8-year-old granddaughter already had a jump rope, so I purchased a cheapy one at K-Mart for my youngest child (and cut her's down to size). Now we all have jump ropes that fit us. My old one with the swivel handles fits my husband, so he even has one of his own now.

Want to know exactly how long the jump rope should be? Stand with your feet together in the middle of the rope, the end of the handles should just reach your underarms.

Tip by Consumer Report "Keep elbows slightly bent and hold the handles at hip level with your palms forward. Keep your hands close to your body and turn the rope from your wrist and forearm."

So today I "practiced" skip roping for a few minutes, a very few minutes. It is much harder than I remember, and I am not as coordinated as I thought I was. But jump roping is sort of like a video game. If you just keep at it, you get better and faster. My 8-year-old looked at me in surprise and said, "I didn't know you could jump rope." Of course I can jump rope; I jumped 100 jumps. I won't tell how many times I messed up though, only that it wasn't as many as yesterday.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
Grandmother Raising Grandchildren
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.SeniorPro.com

Hand Sanitizer an Over the Counter Drug

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Did you know that the liquid or gel hand sanitizer that the teacher squirts on your child's hands is considered a drug? The FDA considers it an over-the-counter drug, just like Tylenol or Benedryl is an OTC drug? And yet you will likely find a bottle sitting on each teacher's desk and in our homes as well, well within a small child's reach, especially if they can climb.

When I first learned this, I thought it was just another one of those emails that go around with no merit to it. After spending hours researching the topic on the Internet (This was important to me), I learned some facts that disturbed me. The stories of the children who got really sick from licking the sanitizer from their hands were actually true. I read a letter from a drug manufacturing company who wanted the FDA to change the wording on the labels, so they didn't sound so scary to adults.

The type of sanitizer that most of us buy at the store and even donate to our children's classroom is 63% alcohol. And yes, it can make children sick who lick it off their hands and can hurt if they have a cut or scrape on their hands.

Hand sanitizer was never intended to market to children, and yet we see it everywhere. It was created as an Antiseptic to be used in medical settings. This 2007 quote came from the Consumer Affairs website: "The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has sent a warning letter to Procter & Gamble for making unlawful claims about its Vicks Early Defense Foaming Hand Sanitizer product."

Now I am not advocating that we let our children eat with dirty hands or play with toys at a doctor's office and not clean their hands well afterwords. But we are just too rushed, lazy, or ignorant if we don't take the time to help our children wash their hands properly. I admit, I've been guilty myself.

Having children sing the alphabet song while washing their hands with soap and water will help them wash long enough to be effective in protecting against germs. When a quick way to clean hands is necessary, I have found two natural hand sanitizers that are safe for children. One is called Clean Well which can be purchased at Target, Bath & Body Works, Amazon, and Whole Foods, or online at http://www.cleanwelltoday.com/ I purchased the pocket size of this product to put in my children's lunch boxes and my purse.

Clean George is another natural hand "purifier." I don't know if they are carried in stores, but the product can be purchased online at http://cleangeorge.com/ This product seems to be bragged about for good reasons, but it costs more than twice than Clean Well.

Read the labels on what you have been purchasing or what the school uses. "Flammable: keep away from heat or flame or "Avoid contact with broken skin" Does your child's teacher have time to check every child's hands for scrapes or sores? Probably not. Here's a biggy, "KEEP OUT OF THE REACH OF CHILDREN."

I still use my big bottle of germX, jut not on my children's hands. After washing my kitchen island (where the children usually eat), the counters and sink, I squirt some sanitizer on a paper towel and wipe them down again. The alcohol evaporates and the counters are clean, that is until the cat walks across them.

While explaining to my girls why we were switching away from regular hand sanitizer, my 8-year-old said, "When I was in project 4, Jason would squirt it in his mouth." I asked her if the teacher knew about it. She responded, "No." I asked why she didn't say anything. She retorted, "I didn't know any better." I quickly responded, "Of course, you didn't sweetie, but now you do." I had to even send a note to my first grader's teacher in order for her to believe that my child had her own sanitizer in her lunch box that did not have alcohol in it.

Keeping a zip-lock baggy with baby wipes and a small bottle of non-alcholic hand sanitizer in your purse, for when you are on the go, can protect against unwanted nasty germs. We really do not need to be rubbing our children's hands with alcohol when there are better alternatives.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
http://www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Through Fiery Trials

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I take a journal and usually a book with me whenever I think I am going to have a moment to read, think, or listen to something inspiring. So whether I am going to the doctor's office, the fitness center, or church, I will usually have a book or journal with me.

So it is not surprising that I had a journal with me at church a couple of weeks ago. As we sang a hymn, the words brought me to tears. I jotted the words down and would like to share them with you. They come from a Christian hymnal.

" When thro' fiery trials thy pathway shall lie, My grace all sufficient, shall be thy supply. The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine."

"The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose, I will not, I can not desert to his foes. That soul, tho' all hell should endeavor to shake, I'll never, no never, no never for-sake."

Many times as we raise grandchildren, for whatever reason it is, our biggest support is our faith, our prayers, and our belief that God has a plan for us. As I have said before, while circumstance might have caught us by surprise, the Lord knew all along the direction our life path would take.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
A grandmother raising grandchildren
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Raising Smart Kids!

Karen Best Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Educating and creating smart grandchildren is just as important to me as it was when I was raising my own children. I never was big on little kids watching a lot of television. We read a lot of books together, played games, put together puzzles, and anything that increased coordination and stimulated their brains.

I just read an article on CNN called Study: Want a smart baby? TV's not going to help. Going by my own experience of raising eight children and now two grandchildren, I have to agree with the article completely. A few years ago when one of my grandsons was an infant, I bought an entire educational DVD serious for babies. It looked really cool, and I thought that perhaps I was just behind the times. Well, I doubt the entire set has even been viewed once.

Being read to from a book by a parent or caregiver and interacting with each other about the book is so much better than putting the baby in front of the television and thinking he is going to absorb the pretty pictures and sounds and get smart.

I have put a baby on my lap many times as I worked on the computer. I might have had more typos than usual, but we definitely had more communication that way. Anything like stacking blocks, putting pegs in holes, and playing with puzzles require not only coordination but brain power.

  Now I don't mind if my 6 and 8 year old girls take turns playing appropriate non violent computer games on their computer as long as they are doing physically active things as well. I think this balances them out. The past few days we have been snowed in. The girls played outside for hours having tons of fun and then came in, got dried out, and took turns watching videos and playing computer games. And then for dinner they enjoy their dinner of grilled fish, rice, and dark green salad. They are not likely to be couch potatoes and become overweight. By bedtime, they were well-balanced, exhausted, and asleep in minutes.

It really all comes down to balance. If a child reads all of the time, that is no more balanced than watching television all of the time. A good balance between reading, physical activities, brain stimulating games including video games, relaxation in front of the television, and plenty of plain old-fashion creative play helps create a well-balanced happy child, assuming the home is filled with a loving energy.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.SeniorPro.com