Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Who do grandparents talk to when they are upset?

Karen Best Wright, B.S. M.A. Health Educator and Holistic Wellness Coach

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

www.TheWellnessWay.org

Most of the emails I get from grandparents are filled with frustration and sometimes despair. They don't have anyone who understands. I know. I felt the same way, and in the most part it is true.

What I also learned by my own mistakes was to be careful about talking about  frustrations and hurts with your other children (unless in unusual circumstances). Letting the family know what is going on is probably a good idea. But letting them be your sounding board is probably not a good idea.

What can happen is when you are feeling comfortable and you vent your feelings to an adult child, you run the risk of when that adult child gets upset with you about something, they then share with others, "You know what mom said about you?" Oh my gosh, can that backlash.

This can be really difficult for grandparents raising grandchildren or other relatives raising children for that matter. Who do we talk to when we need someone to understand? A stranger who really doesn't know what is going on? Maybe. A therapist, we may see 10 times and no more? Maybe. Other relatives who get sick of our problems? Maybe.

I am sorry, I don't have a good answer for this one. I am only cautioning you about having your other adult children be your sounding board.

Any good tips from you grandparents, feel free to comment or send me a direct email to raisinggrandchildren@earthlink.net

Karen Wright

a grandmother in love with her grandchildren (sometimes with an aching heart)

 

When and when not to have social services get involved with your grandchildren

Karen Best Wright, B.S., M.A. Health Educator and Holistic Wellness Coach

www.RaisingYourGrandchcildren.com

www.TheWellnessWay.org

I receive so many emails from grandparents about whether or not they should let social services get involved before they attempt to get custody of their grandchildren. Here are some thoughts on the issue.

1. Many grandparents face the fact that social services are already involved and grandparents need to work with them as much as possible. When the state as taken custody of a child, they may place the child informally with a relative or they may have the relative become a trained foster parent to their own grandchild. This helps out financially, but there are draw backs to having the government in charge of your grandchildren.

2. Many grandparents get custody without Social Services being involved at all. They have direct custody of the children, rather than the state. This often works the best, but less money available for assistance.

What are the Pros and Cons of either approach.

If social services takes legal custody of the children, they will have all say when it comes to where they live as well as their educational decisions. If they place the child in your home on a formal basis, meaning you are a foster parent but not the legal guardian, they can change their mind and remove the child without your consent. This can be enough to make almost anyone want to avoid social services.

On the other hand (and this is very important) if your relationship with your own child is so bad that you would rather deal with social services than your own child, then social services might be the better route to go.

These are important things to think about as a grandparent as well as perhaps other families members as well. Unfortunately there is no right answer for everyone. Occasionally, it may even be in the child's best interest to be in a really good foster home than with any family members, but I personally do not know of anyone that fits that category. If the family is cohesive at all or caring, family members are usually better than strangers. But then again every situation is different.

If you find yourself in this situation, weigh all angles. How much control do you want to have? What is the relationship like with your grown child? Who would you rather deal with, social services or your grown child? Be careful and open to what you really think is right for everyone. I have seen it work well both ways.

Karen Wright,

A grandmother in love with her grandchildren, sometimes with a heavy heart.

 

A Field Trip Around the Block with Grandchildren

By Karen Best Wright, B.S., M.A., Health Educator & Holistic Wellness Coach

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

www.TheWellnessWay.org

Today, I turned my cell phone off when I went to the dentist. That's what most people do, don't they? Anyway, after getting back in the car to drive home, I turned my phone back on. Within minutes a daughter called, "You turned your phone off!" Sounding slightly frantic. "Yes, I did. I was at the dentist. What's up?" In short, her babysitter had fallen through and she had a final exam in her night class. Hence, the need for a last minute babysitter. Could I watch the children, ages 5, 6, and 8? "Sure bring them over." These are the absolute cutest little kids one could find. The only way to keep the two little girls straight is one is bigger than the other, and their smiles give me goosebumps.

They got to my place around 5:30 and had eaten on the way, so I didn't even have to cook. We took my dog for a walk around the block, a l-o-n-g walk around a long block. I live on a safe residential street lined with houses built in the 40's and 50's. The street behind me is now mostly small shops. So here I am, walking a dog and three little children down a pleasant neighborhood sidewalk, through a large parking lot, and back up a busy street lined with shops and a few old homes. As we carefully meandered through the parking lot, a couple in a van smiled as they slowed w-a-y down. I just smiled back and said, "We are on a field trip." Watching the children smile and laugh really made my day, much better than going to the dentist.

While walking, we saw people eating ice cream at an outdoor cafe, people walking their dogs (with no kids), a young couple pushing their baby in a stroller (no dog), and a father and son on a bicycle built for two, big seat in front and little seat in back. I had never seen a real bicycle built for two like that before. By the time we got home via the backyard, I sat on the back porch. My pug collapsed on the ground, and the children still abounded with energy. So we came in the house to get cool and have a snack of fresh strawberries and apples. Then the girls (5 and 6) wanted to play with baby dolls. Baby dolls? "I think my baby dolls are in the attic." So I climbed up into the attic to find my baby dolls.These are rather life-like baby dolls, except one had her bonnet and hair fall off, so I fixed that.

When it was time for the children to leave, it was "No you can't take my crystals home, but you can take a sea shell out of the basket and something out of the treasure box. My granddaughters each selected what they wanted, but my grandson had the hardest time deciding. What should he take, the water bottle with a blue anchor on it, a red toy truck, or the huge rubber ladybug. He settled on the ladybug.

I really enjoyed my field trip around the block with my grandchildren, and they enjoyed coming to Nana's house.

A grandmother in love with her grandchildren (all 12 of them).

Karen Wright

Making ends meet while raising grandchildren

By Karen Best Wright, B.S., M.A.

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I receive a mountain of emails from grandparents who are struggling financially to make ends meet while raising their grandchildren. According to my survey, of the 2919 people who answered a question about their biggest issues, 63.9% wrote that financial issues were their biggest  probelm.

Often I receive emails from mostly grandmothers wanting to know where they can get financial assistance. There is some help out there for most grandparents, but sometimes the amount is so minimal, it might only  cover the cost to clothe the children or maybe feed them, if you are one of the fortunate ones. But one thing is sure, we must not look for government help to cover all of the needs of grandparents and grandchildren.

I have a dear friend who is a grandmother raising a 2 1/2 year old granddaughter. Obviously she needs a sitter when she works. I am extremely impressed with the ambition and determination of my friend. Katherine is educated with a master's degree but was unable to find satisfactory work. So she does about anything. She cleans people's houses, cooks food for parties, sews costumes, and runs errands for elderly clients.

I am so impressed with Katherine. She is about 5 years younger than I am (early 50"s), but appears to have the energy of a younger woman. Even though her education has not helped her get a job in her industry, I believe it has helped her with a healthy self-esteem and ambition to do whatever she needs to do in these difficult economic times. When I met her husband the other day, he asked if I was one of her clients. Me? I couldn't afford to hire her to help me with my many chores and the like. I wish I could. Katherine explained to her husband that I was the one who has the www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com website."Oh!" He responded.

I am so impressed with the ingenuity of so many grandmothers. They do what they have to do. In these difficult econmic times, it is hard on most people, but older people who are raising children they had not been expecting to raise, often find themselves in very different situations than they had expected at midlife.

It is obvious that we can't count on the government to help enough to really make a difference in our financial situation. In fact, I am of the type, that believes women need greater opportunities to earn the money they need, while at the same time caring for grandchildren.

Wouldn't it be great as grandparents who have a skill to market, if we banned together to promote our services, allowing us ways to market ourselves, while we raise children. Raising these children are our future. They will be the ones making decision when we are old and need to be taken care of.

Please share any ideas that you might be doing to earn extra money (legitimate ideas) to care for your grandchildren.

Karen Best Wright, B.S. M.A. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator/Coach

The Wellness Way

http://www.thewellnessway.org

 

Types of family members raising a relative's children (usually grandchildren)

By Karen Best Wright, B.S., M.A Health & Wellness

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

A few weeks ago I added a question to my grandparents survey. I was wanting to know which family members are raising their relative's child. Because of my own experiences, I tended to think most about the maternal grandmother doing the raising. Actually, it was another grandmother (a paternal grandmother) who put the idea into my head to add the question in my survey.

If you have not filled in the grandparent raising grandchildren survey, please click here if you wish to do so.

Out of the 191 respondents so far for this particular question, here are the results. There will be many more responses to come. So far there have been over 2,900  grandparents who have filled in my survey over the past two years. Thank you to all of you who have taken the time.

Grandmothers

Maternal grandmother 54.5%

Paternal grandmother 26.2%

Maternal step-grandmother 6.3%

Paternal step-grandmother 2.6%

Grandfathers

Maternal grandfather 2.6%

Paternal grandfather 2.1%

Paternal step-grandfather 2.1%

Maternal step-grandfather 1.6%

Other relative 2.1%

I found the numbers interesting. Now keep in mind, these are people who have filled in my survey and may not be indicative of everyone in the country. But it is a start for the research I am collecting. This information shows the variety of family members raising the children of relatives.

Karen Best Wright,
Health & Wellness Educator
www.TheWellnessWay.org

 

Why are we grandparents?

Karen Best Wright, B.S., M.A. Health & Wellness Educator

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Why are we grandparents? That might seem a ridiculous question to ask. Biologically we are grandparents because we had kids and they had kids, and biologically that is so. Some grandparents are simply that, a grandparent because of biology and DNA. But I am meaning something more than biology.

As grandparents we have no legal rights (other than what the courts give us). Our own kids can't really give us legal rights without the courts permission. Which actually I personally believe indicates the courts have way too much power. But that is another issue entirely.

Grandparents' roles differ widely from being the fulltime caregivers and actually raising the children like many of us have  - to having a once a year supervised visit. That one stinks. I believe as the grandparent, there is something very special we can impart to these children, however our role has panned out. Mostly it is up to us as the grandparent what we want that role to be (within the approval of the parents of course). And I do not profess to be the greatest example.

Do our grandchildren see us as someone who loves them unconditionally, or do they see us so seldom that we are someone they barely know. I have experienced it from one end of the spectrum to the other - from raising grandchildren to seeing a grandson once every couple of years. Sometimes distance and financial issues limit us, but then I think it is mostly our creativeness and ingenuity that is limiting, especially with today's technologies. There are exceptions of course.

I try to remember my grandparents. My maternal grandmother died when I was 3. I do not remember her. My paternal grandmother died when I was 12. I did not like her. She did not like kids, and we were not allowed in her tiny house. I remember no affection from her. She was an angry woman who had experienced a hard life. That was my example of a grandmother. That is until I married my first husband. His grandmother became my grandmother. She was wonderful. She was always supportive and encouraging. She will always be my grandmother. Even though she died 20 years ago, and I am no longer married to my first husband. I do teach my grandchildren about her, their g.g. grandmother. I tell them how loving and wonderful she was to me and everyone else.

So why am I a "grandmother?" I think because I am to add a cushion to the children's lives -to provide an extra layer of love, beyond what their parents can give. I want them to experience a loving grandmother's touch, a certain smell (not an old lady smell though), that feeling that you can't make a grandmother NOT love you. Being more than a biological grandmother is what really matters. This goes for grandfathers too. Sorry, men, if I tend to leave you out. You are included.

Karen Best Wright, B.S., M.A. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator/Coach

A grandmother in love with her grandchildren

The Wellness Way

 

Being a Grateful Grandmother

Karen Best Wright

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I have been thinking a lot about gratitude lately. I mean really a lot. There are so many things that are happening in the world that are negative and scary, and they are making me even more grateful for what I have and who I am. Today while attempting to clean out a closet, I came across an old dream journal of mine. Well, it started out as a dream journal and turned into an everything journal.

I found myself reading some of my old writings about what I was thankful for at the time. The first item on the list was "that I have custody of the children and that they are doing so well." My heart sort of just sunk, since I no longer have custody of them. A week ago I had the girls for a few days and then had to take them home. I cried. AGAIN. After I got home, I read the notes they had left for me about how grateful they were that I was their grandmother. I cried AGAIN.

In spite of all of the periodic crying, I am still very grateful I raised them for 6 years and 8 months, and I am very grateful they get to visit me and leave me beautiful notes that I will cherish forever. In fact I am going to laminate them, so they will last forever. That is how special their notes were. I truly have many things to be thankful for, even if I do still periodically cry, because I don't have everything I want.

What are you thankful for this spring?

Karen Best Wright

The Wellness Way

http://www.TheWellnessWay.org

 

Karen's Bookstore for Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Karen Best Wright

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I have put together an Amazon bookstore specifically for grandparents raising grandchildren. Click here to browse through the books I have put together specifically for you. There is also a link to the bookstore from my main grandparenting website. Within the next week I will write specifically about a book on grandparenting in which I was invited to be a contributing author. In the meantime, see if there is anything of interest to you in the books I found. Have fun browsing.

Karen Wright, Holistic Health & Wellness Educator/Coach

A grandmother in love with her grandchildren (all 12 of them).

The Wellness Way

www.TheWellnessWay.org

 

Are You a Happy Grandparent?

Karen Best Wright

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I was recently reading research by Harvard Medical School about measuring a person's happiness. I was surprised to learn according to their research that 50% of our chances of being happy is genetic. Our basic disposition is inherited. Forty percent of our happiness is within our own power to control, and only 10% is related to our circumstances. For me, I think I inherited an unhappiness gene and have had to strive for happiness through my circumstances and own decisions and determination. It was interesting research to read.

So how do you feel about it? Do you feel you are basically happy by nature or do you have to work at it?

Karen Best Wright
Health & Wellness Educator

www.TheWellnessWay.org

Winning and losing - how children learn to respond

By Karen Best Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I recently read an article about children being poor losers and how their behavior shows it. It got me thinking about what I have personally learned after raising 8 children and 3 grandchildren for a number of years about how children respond to losing.

One thing to remember if your child is a poor loser, is that part of that is age. It seems that all my children went through stages of being horrid losers. I remember when one daughter was about 6 and she cried forever about losing when the family played Old Maid, and she was stuck with the Old Maid at the end of the game. Her carrying on was quite annoying to everyone. She grew up to be very competitive (which I am not). She thrives on it, where I avoid it if possible. She still gets emotional over losing, but not so severely that I would view her as having a  problem, and she is amazing at how hard she works to accomplish her goals.

We as parents or grandparents can help children when losing by keeping our senses about us and staying calm. Of course we want our children to strive to do their best, but the real test is did they do their best and did they improve in their efforts. If you have ever watched a parent yell at their child for not hitting the ball, you know how sick you feel in your stomach. So how we respond will have a big impact on the children.

Children do need to be taught that sometimes we win and sometimes we do not, but learning to be gracious winners is as important as decent "losers" as well. Gee, I don't like the word "loser," but you know what I mean. When my own children were little and we played games together, we had the first winner, the second winner, the third winner, etc. We had lots of winners with 8 kids. But they eventually caught on and didn't quite see it that way.

I believe my children and grandchildren are relatively well adjusted when it comes to not winning at everything they do, but I think it has a lot to do with what we as the parents focus on. If they happen to be lousy "losers" focusing on the less than pleasant attribute does not help them change. As parents and grandparents if we focus on the most positive things about our grandchildren, we can help them, as much as they will let us. If we see they are overly obsessed with winning and overly devestated when not winning, perhaps we might need to seek professional help if what they need outreaches our own abilities to help them.

Karen Best Wright

Holistic Health & Wellness Educator
www.TheWellnessWay.org

Spring is Coming and so are Allergies.

When I was a child, I remember my mother’s major spring cleaning projects. Everything was cleaned down to the inside and outside of every window, rug, and curtain. I admit when I was raising my eight children and grandchildren, I thought I was lucky just to keep everything tidy and in order, forget about the windows that no one saw because they were covered with curtains.

However, spring cleaning is necessary and not because our mother’s did it out of habit. With spring, often come allergies. If you have allergies or have children or grandchildren in your home with allergies, you probably already know the importance of clean air and a clean home, especially if there are pets in the home.

After a home has been mostly closed up throughout a cold winter, mold develops, dust and dust mites are settled in the carpets and rugs, crud from cooking coats the fan above the stove, and the air is stale. Often the air quality in our home is worse than outside. We might not be able to personally fix the world’s environment, but we can be in control of our home’s environment.

TIPS for Spring Cleaning (Be sure to enlist your grandchildrens help if they live with you.)

1. Check for mold and moldy smells – whether around the bathroom tub, under the rubber tub mat, in a basement, or anyplace where mold grows.
2. Clean carpets or rugs. That is why I like hardwood floors. I have one Oriental rug in my living room.  Hardwood floors and tile are my favorite and easiest to keep clean.
3. Clean the fan above the stove. Move the fridge and stove and clean behind them.
4. Clean all humidifiers or dehumidifiers with bleach water. If you have air filters, clean them regularly. When you replace the filters, you get to see just how dirty the air in your home really is. Also, replace the filter to your furnace regularly.
5. Wash your curtains and blinds. I look at my lace curtains that have blinds behind them, and I think they look okay. Then I soak them in the bathtub and realize how disgustingly dirty they really are.
6. Vacuum furniture and mattresses.
7. And check the tops of your ceiling fan blades. These are often missed because they are hard to get to.

I love walking into my home when it smells fresh and inviting, but feel less enthused when it smells like my dog or musty. Spring will soon be here, so now is the time to plan the spring cleaning. Your sinuses and your lungs will appreciate it. And of course, allow no smoking in your home. That is a definite killer.

So take care of yourself and your grandchildren by breathing clean air.

Karen Best Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

www.TheWellnessWay.org

Everyone Should Dance!

By Karen Best Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

This past weekend my two grandddaughters (the ones I raised for 6 years and 8 months) were able to visit for the weekend. They were really looking forward to going dancing with me. When they visited me 2 months ago, we had a Rumba lesson and went dancing. This time we had a Waltz lesson along with dancing.  They are now 9 and 11 and were adorable as they bravely danced with grown-up partners. Last night as they went out on the dance floor together, they actually argued over who was going to dance the man's part. They each wanted to dance the man's part (which I find really hard to do). A man standing near me exclaimed, "Those little girls actually know how to Rumba." And they were. They were dancing the Rumba together.

When they lived with me, it wasn't unusual for me to take them to a Blue Grass concert. We would dance together on the grass to the music. I love to dance, and I so enjoy it that they want to go with me when they visit and now learn ballroom dancing. Fortunately, there are plenty of places to dance that exclude alcohol and are family friendly.

No one is too young or too old to dance.

Karen Wright

www.TheWellnessWay.org

Child-Proofing your Home for Grandchildren

By Karen Best Wright, Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

One of the top reasons that children under age 3 visit the ER is due to household injuries. Not only that, 70% of children who actually die from accidental injuries at home are 4 years old and under.

This is an area that all grandparents must be concerned about whether or not they are raising their grandchildren. However, it is obvious when grandparents are raising their grandchildren, they are at a higher risk, because the children are there 24/7. There is no way we can completely make our homes accident free, because there are children who can find dangerous ways to play with almost anything. But here are some ideas that all grandparents should consider when small children are visiting their home.  This list I have compiled has more to do with child-safety than keeping your valuables safe.  Now how to keep your valuables safe is for each grandparent to decide. Some will leave their valuables down within reach and be very watchful that children leave them alone. I personally have always taken the approach that if something is so valuable that if it gets broken and will upset me greatly, I simply put it up high out of the children’s’ reach. A family heirloom antique crystal bowl would not be something I would risk. It would simply be put out of site or up high out of reach.

While keeping child-safety in mind, the following is a list to help you get started:

1. Electrical outlet plug covers are a necessity for all homes with small children.
2. Synchronized fire alarms throughout the house works well. I discovered when living in a big old farmhouse while raising my grandchildren, if the smoke alarm went off in the kitchen and I was in the master bedroom with the window air conditioner on, I could not hear the alarm. So we bought several smoke detectors (the type that could be synchronized) and put them throughout the house, including the master bedroom.
3. Cabinet locks (attaches inside the cabinet) and tricky to open for children can keep children out of cabinets that you really don't want them to get into. When my children and grandchildren were toddlers, the only kitchen cabinet they were allowed to investigate was the pots and pans cabinet. I did have to constantly re-organize them, but they had so much harmless fun, it was worth my effort.
4. Door knob covers help keep toddlers out of rooms you don’t want them in. A person must be strong enough to squeeze the cover in order to turn the door knob. Keeping a toddler out of the bathroom, since playing in the toilet is rather disgusting as well as dangerous, is probably a priority of all parents.
5. If there is a cabinet that you absolutely do not want children in, then be sure to mount a pad lock on it. For example if you have guns in the house, make sure children cannot get to them in anyway. Pad locks work great.
6. Bed side-rails can help prevent small children from falling out of bed.
7. Curtain or drapery rods securely fastened to walls are important. Sometimes this is not even thought about. The curtains or drapes just hang there so what is the big deal? It becomes a big deal when a very active child decides to climb them. It does happen.
8. Shower curtain poles should be securely fastened to shower walls. Preferably not the spring rod that is springy to fit, but the type that actually fits in holders that are screwed to the shower wall. This is important even when there aren’t small children. Even as adults, if we started to slip in the shower or tub, our instinct would be to grab the shower curtain. A shower rod needs to be fastened securely.
9. No slid socks or slippers are good if you have hardwood floors. Children do run throughout the house, even when we say “no running.” So just be prepared for them not to listen to you.
10. Child-proof cover for power strips is a safe way to keep toddlers from playing with your power cords. This is one I never thought of when I raised my grandchildren. All of the extra wall plugs were covered with outlet plugs but the power strips were not covered. I didn’t even know they made covers for them, but they do.
11. Sturdy and safe baby gates (works great for small dogs as well.) I have never been really big on baby gates, but sometimes it becomes a must to confine a toddler to a specific room. Be sure the safety gate is sturdy and safe and cannot be easily pushed over. Check for the safest type of gate before purchasing one.
12. A fire escape plan is often linked to schools more than homes, but children need to know where the family is going to connect if something goes terribly wrong, like a fire. We had a specific bedroom that had a window that was right over a large covered porch.  But, we failed to follow through and mount a hanging rope ladder or something on the porch roof to actually get off of the roof.  Fortunately we never had an emergency that required using our escape route plan.
13. Stoves with knobs at the top of the stove are best to have with small children. However, junking a perfectly good stove with low knobs probably is not an option. The next best thing are stove knob covers that can be purchased to prevent little ones playing with the stove knobs. This one is a must. It can be frustrating enough when little children play with the dishwasher knobs, but at least they won’t get hurt.
14. Bath mats for inside and outside the bath tub or shower should be used. This one is an obvious one. Slipping and falling while getting in and out of the tub, well you know what can happen when that occurs.
15. Keep toxic cleaning supplies and medications completely out of a child’s reach. If you aren’t used to having little children around, this may be easy to not even think about. But it is very important, and also do not trust the child-proof lids for medications. Simply, keep them away from children.

Please share with us any additional ideas that you have about keeping your home safe for your grandchildren.

Karen Best Wright

TheWellnessWay.org

Over-night sleep-over with Nana

By Karen Best Wright

Saturday night I had a sleep-over with two gorgeous little granddaughters ages 5 and 6. No, these were not ones I raised, but they had been asking when they were going to get to come for a sleep-over. Their 8-year-old brother usually is the one who comes over. So we made a special time for just the girls to come.

I thought there might be a problem with who was going to sleep with me and who was going to get relegated to the single air mattress in my extra room. I thought they would both want to sleep with me. But no, they wanted to sleep in the room that their brother uses when he comes. They certainly didn't want him to have one up on them. Fortunately they are small and both fit comfortably on the single air mattress together. Plus the room is full of fun things, plus a massage table to climb on.

They love playing with my 3' doll. Immediately the doll's shoes and socks are removed. I'm not sure why that is, but it happens every time. They also know that they can play with my crystals (amethysts, rose quartz, labradorite, etc as long as they don't  take any home with them). And, they always remember about my antique ballot box that is really a treasure box now with all types of interesting things I collect just for grandchildren. The 5-year-old selected a small brass container and put a clear marble in it. That was her small treasure box and her crystal. She was delighted. The other child picked a tablet of paper and fancy pencil. We made bracelets and homemade granola. They were here for only 24 hours, but it was a fun sleep-over without exhausting me. What a delightful way to be a grandmother.

Karen Best Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

A grandmother in love with her grandchildren

www.TheWellnessWay.org

Make a relaxation CD for your grandchildren

By Karen Best Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I need to take a break from my Statistics class, so I just had to write about my latest most coolest experience.

After my granddaughters (the ones I raised for 6 years and 8 months) went home after the holidays, the youngest (age 9) was having a hard time with missing me, particularly when she was tired and needed to go to sleep. Apparently, she was crying a bit more than usual. I know I am more emotional when I am tired too. Well, to help her relax and not miss me quite so much, I made a relaxation CD for her to play when she went to bed. She already had a CD of us singing family songs together, but she had listened to it so much is was pretty much destroyed (so I burned another copy of that one too). However, the family-song homemade CD was not soothing. It was meant to be fun, not meditative.

So I let my imagination start working. I put a meditation CD into my laptop and turned on my sound recorder and spoke to her. I guided her through a relaxation meditation for 15 minutes. I then burned it on a CD and mailed it to her. It was particularly relaxing to me as well, as I guided her mentally through a forest and into a meadow. I told her ahead of time that this would help her not miss me as much, as she would get to hear me talk to her as we walked hand-in-hand together every night when she listened to it.

This evening she called me to tell me that she received the CD and listened to it last night. I asked her how it was. She replied, "Oh, it worked very well." I laughed and told her how cute she was. To her total confusion, I tried to explain how she had spoken so grammatically correct. I tried to explain about adjectives and adverbs until I realized that I was only confusing her more. So I just emphasized that I liked how she spoke, and that I was really glad the CD helped.

I plan to make another CD for her. This next time we will journey to some really cool places like caves filled with crystals and waterfalls and maybe even float on the clouds while we listen to soothing music together. Maybe we will even play in the ocean and build castles with crystal white sand.  We are limited only by my imagination and her enthusiasm.

Now if you other grandparents do something similar, please share. Our grandchildren need us whether or not we are raising them.

Karen Wright, Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

The Wellness Way

 

Keeping Grandparents Healthy

By Karen Best Wright

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

On my grandparents' survey I ask grandparents who are raising their grandchildren what they do to keep themselves healthy (assuming they are healthy). The following are a few of the responses.

1. I am on disability. I have had 2 knee replacements. I walk 2 miles daily to keep myself young and my legs strong.

2. Keep active, work, take vitamins, eat as well as possible.

3. Yoga

4. Eat right, exercise, do anything suggested to keep my mind young.

5. Lots of prayer and I take b12 vitamins and I also have changed my diet and I get plenty of rest.

6. Work, walking, watching our diet.

7. Eat right and go to the gym regularly.

8. Walking, try to eat properly.

9. Walk

10. Exercise trying to eat right.

11. Pray a lot. Trust God to meet my needs.

12. Pray.. balance meals.. full time employment.. church..walk.. sing

This is a small sample of the many responses to what grandparents are doing to stay healthy while raising their grandchildren. You will notice a common theme. Those who are healthy pay a lot of attention to their diet and fitness activities, along with faith and prayer.

What things do you do to keep yourself healthy and fit? If you have not filled in my survey for grandparents who are raising their grandchildren, please do. Click here to go to the survey.  

Karen Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

And a grandmother in love with her grandchildren

www.TheWellnessWay.org

Happy New Year to Everyone!

by Karen Best Wright

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Well, 2012 is here. I think it is going to be a glorious year. It definitely started great for me. I had the girls this week, ending with a New Year's Eve dance party that we went to. My 11 and 9 year old granddaughters were thoroughly enjoying learning to tango, waltz, hustle, swing, and rumba. I believe they were the prettiest ladies there.

Tomorrow they go home and I get back to my studies. I look forward to many more visits. We did almost everything  we wanted to do except go hiking.  I got a bit sick and had to be careful or I wouldn't have been up to dancing. So hiking will be put off until our next visit.

Now it is time to get serious about our New Year's Resolutions. Yes, I really believe in them. Did any of you accomplish any of the ones you made last year? I accomplished a couple. I learned some ballroom dancing, still very much an amateur though. and I completed another year of school. I will finish my master's degree in March 2012. So I made progress, but still have a long way to go to get where I want to be.

Tell me how you did.

Karen Wright

www.TheWellnessWay.org

If we lived with you, would you spoil us?

By Karen Best Wright, Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

With having my granddaughters for a week during the holidays, I have planned several things to do to keep us busy, including shopping for a New Year's Eve party. Tonight after getting home from shopping, my 11 year-old granddaughter (one of the ones who lived with me for 6 years and 8 months) asked, "If we lived with you again, would you spoil us for a little while and then stop spoiling us?" I was first taken back in surprise, then I chuckled and said, "Well, I would probably spoil you a little bit and yes, I would definitely stop spoiling you. I'm not sure what prompted the question, but I wanted her to be assured that I really hadn't changed very much. Living the grandmother role versus the mother role is definitely easier when it comes to living everyday life.

Karen Wright
A grandmother in live with her grandchildren

www.TheWellnessWay.org

Decorating for Christmas without the Children

By Karen Best Wright, B.S.

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

My grandchildren have been back with their mother for more than 2 years now, and this is the first Christmas since they left that I actually put up Christmas decorations. I really am no Scrooge, but for the past two years, decorating was just not a priority. This year I have been motivated to at least decorate some. The girls will be visiting me between Christmas and New Year's. If they came and saw absolutely no Christmas decorations, they might be concerned and wonder what happened to me. Usually, I go overboard on the decorations. But this year, I am starting small, but it a step in the right direction (according to my standards).

I bought a 3' tree and placed it on an antique trunk in front of my front window. I keep the middle blinds open so the pretty lights can be seen from the road. In the spare room that faces the street, there is one lone electric candle in the window with the blinds open. Plus, there is a wreath on the front door, and I must not forget my 3' doll dressed in a red velvet holiday dress. Other than that there are few decorations in my house. What is fascinating is the fact that because I have a large mirror that hangs over my piano, the lights on the little tree reflect through the venetian blinds, making the tree look much larger from the outside.

So while my decorating has been drastically downsized this year (many decorations were given to some of my children), I wasn't even sad decorating alone. I must be making progress.

Karen Wright, Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

a grandmother in love with her grandchildren

www.TheWellnessWay.org

The smile of a grandchild!

By Karen Best Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Tonight I took my 8 year old grandson to his holiday school performance. His parents were unable to go, so I got the wonderful opportunity to take him. After taking him to his classroom to prepare for the performance, I made my way to the auditorium, found a seat, and waited for the 2nd graders to arrive. After they all maneuvered into their spots on stage, I crept to the front and sat on the floor with some others, so I could get some pictures. I watched my grandson as he scanned the audience, earnestly looking to find me. I waved my hand a little trying to get his attention. He looked like he was desperately trying to find me. Eventually, when he saw me, his big smile lit up his face. I was so touched, I thought I was going to cry sitting right there on the auditorium floor. I took several pictures and crept back to my seat.

I won't ever forget how his face lit up with his beautiful smile when he saw my reassuring wave and smile sent back to him. There was just something magical in that moment. Having his eyes searching for me in the audience and then beaming with satisfaction once he found me, will always be cherished, never to be forgotten.

Karen Wright

a grandmother in love with her grandchildren

The Wellness Way

www.TheWellnessWay.org

 

How old I look depends on the person doing the looking.

By Karen Best Wright, B.S.

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

When I was raising my 3 granddaughters, everyone assumed I was their mother, unless we told them differently. I was 49 when they came to me. I was a young looking 49 year-old. The 6 years and 8 months I raised them, continued that way. However, I have found it interesting that now that I am 58, whether I look like their grandmother or mother depends on the age of the person doing the judging. The girls are now 9, 11, and 13. When they are with me now and the person asking is a generation younger than I am, I get asked, "Are these your grandchildren?" If the person is older than I am, she might say to my 9 year old granddaughter who is snuggled up next to me in an elevator, "You sure like to snuggle next to your mom, don't you."Now all of that is not totally accurate. A couple of months ago while visiting my grandchildren, I picked them up from the bus. My 11 year-old granddaughter's friend asked her, "Is that your mom." Oh how I wish. Don't get me wrong. I do love being her grandmother.

My point I guess is that, as long as I keep my hair colored, my make-up on perfectly, and wear cute clothes AND mostly talk to women older than myself, I might still get mistaken for being Mom rather than grandmother.

I admit, it does my self-esteem good when someone tells me that my daughter and I look like we could be sisters. Flattery sometimes goes a long way. However, I freely tell people that I have 8 grown children. I tell them I started having children at age 8 (no not really).

Karen Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

www.TheWellnessWay.org

www.SeniorPro.com

Thanksgiving 2011

By Karen Best Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

A grandmother in love with her grandchildren

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Thanksgiving 2011 is almost over. There is only about 20 minutes left before midnight. I would be remiss if I did not share how thankful I am for so many things. I was just reading a piece on CNN.com about the many things Americans are thankful for. With all of the social and economic turmoil going on right now, it is easy to forget how many blessings we really have.

Ten things I am thankful for:

1. I am thankful I got to have two Thanksgiving dinners today with two different daughters (their schedules clashed, so we couldn't do it all at once).

2. I am thankful that I will be finishing my master's degree in 4 months.

3. I am thankful my 13th grandchild will be born next summer.

4. I am thankful that I can work from my home and not have to go out in the cold if I don't want to.

5. I am thankful that I feel like cleaning my house. I usually clean my house, but I actually want to clean it. Go figure.

6. I am thankful that the little girls I raised for almost 7 years will be spending a few days at my house with me after Christmas. I am super thankful for that.

7. I am thankful five of my grandchildren live within 30 minutes of me.

8. I am thankful that my kids all have jobs or are in college.

9. I am thankful that I am taking dance lessons.

10. I am thankful for my mother and sisters (my brother too).

How about you? What are you thankful for?

Karen Wright, Health Educator, Grandmother, Mother, Sister, and Friend

The Wellness Way

 

Creating a Bedroom for Your Grandchildren

By Karen Best Wright, B.S.
http://www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Sometimes when grandchildren move into the home of the grandparent, decorating is the last thing on the grandparent’s mind. Urgently, where the children will sleep may be the first priority. Once sleeping arrangements have been made, next may come organizing the children’s belongings. Grandchildren who are being raised by grandparents have often come from chaotic environments. They may not be used to regular bedtimes, clean bedding, and certainly not a cute bedroom. Chaos may be all that they really know. Creating order, simplicity, and a warm loving environment is really important when raising children who have come from a hurtful or neglectful past.

Once the sleeping arrangements have been made and the children have a place for their own belongings, next will be making their little space attractive, a space where they feel they belong. You may have the money to buy new furniture, wall paint, and color coordinated bedding and curtains or blinds. However most likely, you will be like many grandparents who rely on thrift store items, donations, and hand-me-down discards.

I actually like decorating with vintage items. Sometimes the older the item, the better I like it. It is also good for the children to be involved in decorating their own spaces. I have found it saves money, when decorating a room inexpensively, to have the curtains or blinds be a neutral color while adding character to the windows with colorful valences. These can be made with no sewing experience and without a sewing machine. A plain space can quickly be created into anything imaginable with creative accessories. Of course, teaching children to keep their rooms clean and orderly is equally important. However, that is for another time.

Karen Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

A grandmother in love with her grandchildren

www.TheWellnessWay.org

www.SeniorPro.com

Thought for the Day

Karen Best Wright, Holistic Health and Wellness Educator

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

www.TheWellnessWay.org

Thought of the Day is "If I fall down seven times, I will get up eight."

As grandparents raising grandchildren, you probably know exactly how this feels. This quote applies to all areas of life.

Karen Wright

I am a grandmother in love with my grandchildren, all 12 of them.

 

November recognized as Family Caregivers Month by the Common Wealth of Virginia

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Governor Robert F. McDonnell of Virginia has officially recognized November 2011 as Family Caregivers Month and brings this to the attention of all Virginia citizens. Recognition is given to all caregivers, whether care is provided for older relatives or seniors caring for their grandchildren. In Virginia, thousands of older adults are caregivers for 112,000 grandchildren. In Virginia, it is estimated that over the course of a caregiver's lifetime, the average financial loss is $304,000 due to lost wages, lost pension, and the negative impact of social security benefits.

I live in Virginia, so I appreciate the recognition given to Virginian caregivers by Governor McDonnell. If your state has a similar caregiver recognition month, please leave a comment.

Karen Best Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

www.TheWellnessWay.org

 

Creative Play Areas for Children

By Karen Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

A grandmother in love with her grandchildren

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Children throughout time have created special play areas. When I was a child, I made playhouses out of cherry lugs, until the workers needed them. Obviously, I remade my play houses several times a day. I also played in the woods and outlined the rooms of my play house with rocks and sticks, or I played up in a cherry tree. When my children were young they either created a fort in our "way back" part of the yard or used blankets to make a tent in the family room or living room depending on the house we lived in. My husband was in the military, so we have various memories of play areas.

When my grandchildren lived with me, we lived in a big farm house, so they had a variety of options for play areas. We had the ready made princess pop-up tent, we would set up in the living room as well as the typical homemade tents using chairs, blankets, etc. Two months before they went to live with their mother (obviously I wasn't planning that), we bought them a really nice outdoor playhouse, the type that looked like a real little house with shutters and all. I sort of think I was actually buying it as much for me as them. I had always wanted a playhouse like that. They make such cute playhouses nowadays. Some even look like log cabins. Well back to my subject. The playhouse we bought was even wired to have lights. But when the children left, I couldn't even muster up the courage to go inside of it. Heck, I couldn't even use it for a shed, because of the emotions attached to it. So I gave it to a different daughter for my other grandchildren. Moving it was no easy task, but her husband had the needed equipment and knowledge to get it moved.So at least it is still in the family, and it is still used by grandchildren, rather than as a shed.

Even though we had some really cool ideas for play areas, most of the time the children simply played in the family room or their bedrooms. But the creative play areas, even up in the trees are fondly remembered. I would love to hear your ideas on creative play areas your children or grandchildren have had. Do you have a special room, nook, or corner where they can be creative? Let's share ideas, no matter how simple.

Karen Best Wright

www.TheWellnessWay.org

Midlife Mothers

By Karen Best Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

A grandmother in love with her grandchildren

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I got an email today from Cyma Shapiro telling me about her website www.midlifemothers.org

MidlifeMothers.org represents women over 40 who choose motherhood through IVF, natural childbirth, adoption, fostering, guardianship, surrogacy and blending families. I thought this very inspiring. I so admire women who are raising children after the typical age of mothering. Most of us reading this blog are grandparents raising grandchildren in our midlife years. But these mothers are doing this by choice. How inspiring.

Karen Best Wright, B.S. Holistic Health Educator

www.TheWellnessWay.org

 

 

Oh, she'll have to sleep with grandma when she comes.

By Karen Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

A grandmother in love with her grandchildren

Do you remember the song, "She'll Be Comin' Round the Mountain" and the verse "Oh, she'll have to sleep with grandma when she comes?" I sang that song as a kid and sang it with my kids and with my grandchildren when they lived with me. What a funny song.

My question to you is "Where do your grandchildren sleep when they are with you? It can be especially challenging for grandparents who have already downsized to a smaller home. I remember one grandmother who wrote me a few years ago. She lived in a 2 bedroom apartment when she unexpectedly got five grandchildren to raise. Most Americans are not used to living with so many people in such a small place.

When I first got custody of 3 of my grandchildren, I lived in a 3 bedroom home, which consisted of a master bedroom, a room I used for my home office, and a room for my teenager. There were no extra beds let alone bedrooms in the beginning. I put the newborn in a basket by my bed, the two-year-old in a playpen, and the four-year-old on a toddler mattress on the floor. Eventually, with an addition put on the home, I was able to put the two oldest in bunkbeds in their own room and the crib in the master bedroom with me. Eventually, we moved into a farmhouse with plenty of bedrooms and beds.

Now that the children live with their mother, I moved into a very small home again in the city.  So now where do grandchildren sleep when they visit me? I no longer have bunk-beds or even an extra bed. Air mattresses work wonders in my extra room, and yes, one may need to sleep with grandma.

Whether you are raising your grandchildren or they just come for a weekend visit, where do they sleep? Are you fortunate enough to have a guest room, a hide-a-bed, or do you use air mattresses like I do now. You know, even though I like this little house I have in the city, I miss all of the bedrooms, beds, and children around alot. I do look forward to when they get to come visit and have a sleep over with me.

So where do your grandchildren sleep?

Karen Best Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

www.TheWellnessWay.org

Christmas is Coming and What Do I Do?

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I am surprised at the number of emails I get from grandparents who are raising their grandchildren and say their grandchildren go without birthday gifts or Christmas gifts. This blows my mind. I cannot even fathom it. When I was raising my grandchildren, the first year our local social services (we lived in a rural area) contacted one of the departments at the local university. We received so many gifts that I kept many of them to give them throughout the year for birthday gifts, etc.  The next few years gifts were provided to needy children in a different way, but we did not participate in the program. Before I would let my grandchildren go without a birthday or Christmas gift, I would contact the following types of agenies to see where there was help.

1. Any church in my area

2. Salvation Army

3. GoodWill

4. Any other Charity Thrift Stores

5. The local Harley Davidson Store. Harley riders collect toys for children

When the right people know of children who will go without gifts, they are always willing to help. There is no reason for a child in the United States to go without a birthday gift or Christmas gift.

If any of you know of other places to check when you are in need of clothing or gifts for grandchildren, please write me so I can share the information. Thanks.

Karen Wright, Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

The Wellness Way

http://www.TheWellnessWay.org

Grandparents Support Group in West Queens, New York

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I received information today about a support group for grandparents raising grandchildren in West Queens, NY. Starting October 17, 2011, they will be meeting the third Monday of each month from 10am to 12pm. If you live in the area give them a call or pass this information on to others who may need it.

Family Resource Center in Western Queens Mental Health Association of NYC

87-08 Justice Avenue, Suite C-14

Elmhurst, NY 11373

Attn: Maggie Lovell 718-651-1960 x227

So many emails...thank you all.

By Karen Best Wright, a grandmother in love with her grandchildren

I have received so many emails from grandparents the past few months, and I am really sorry I have not been able to answer them all. Many of you are emailing me through my regular grandparents raising grandchildren website at www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com. With being a full-time student and trying to get any work done, I have gotten behind on a lot of correspondence. I will slowly try to respond to the emails I receive. I also want to thank all of you who have filled in my survey on my main grandparents' website. Thank you. I will be in touch with as many of you as I can. Please keep writing.

Karen Best Wright, Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

www.TheWellnessWay.org

 

 

Today I sold a memory

By Karen Wright, a grandmother in love with her grandchildren

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

How hard can it be to sell a car top carrier on Craig's List? Really hard! It wasn't hard to find a buyer, it was hard letting go of the - why I needed the car top carrier in the first place. Fortunately, a really nice family with 4 tiny children bought it for their minivan for their vacation. That is why I had bought it in the first place, to go on top of my minivan when taking the children on vacation. With the children back with their mother and my Sienna sold last year, the matching car top carrier needed to go and who better to buy it than a young family. After two years, one would think selling a car top carrier would not be so hard, but it was, and of course I got all mushy when this lovely young family drove away with it.

Karen Best Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

The Wellness Way

www.TheWellnessWay.org

PhotoBook with Nana

By Karen Best Wright

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Last month for my 9 year-old-granddaughter's birthday, I created a photobook. You know the ones you can create on-line and pick up from Walgreens? I spent at least 12 hours creating it. That is after I had gone through all of my digital photos and picked out my favorite ones - from her newborn picture until a recent photo of the two of us. She has now been back with her mother for two years and was already forgetting many of the things we had done together.  I tried to write clever captions for each photo; although I do not see myself as a very clever person. It was funny watching her reaction as we "read" the book together, because at first she mostly noticed her hair in the various pictures, her "mohawk" at 9 months and her little ponytail at 2 years old.  She thought she looked funny. I thought she looked adorable.

I have plenty of pictures of myself with the little girls I raised for 6 1/2 years, but I realized how few pictures I have of my other grandchildren with just me. I need to start doing better at having pictures taken so some day I can create photobooks for them with Nana. They may need to be for their high school graduation rather than 4th grade at the rate I am going.

This experience has motivated me to do a better job at photo taking. I wish I had more pictures of me with my grandmother. I have one, when I was 18 months old. I certainly can do better than that.

A grandmother in love with her grandchildren

Karen Best Wright, B.S., Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

The Wellness Way
www.TheWellnessWay.org

 

Older than dirt quiz for grandparents

Karen Wright
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

This quiz that has been floating around the Internet in emails. I thought it was cute.

Take the "Older Than Dirt Quiz," and I will tell you my score at the end.

Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about.

Ratings at the bottom.

1 Blackjack chewing gum

2.Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water

3. Candy cigarettes

4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles

5. Coffee shops or diners with table side jukeboxes

6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers

7. Party lines on the telephone

8 Newsreels before the movie

9. P.F. Flyers

10. Butch wax

11.. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels... [if you were fortunate])

12. Peashooters

13. Howdy Doody

14. 45 RPM records

15. S& H greenstamps

16. Hi-fi's

17. Metal ice trays with lever

18. Mimeograph paper

19. Blue flashbulb

20. Packards

21. Roller skate keys

22. Cork popguns

23. Drive-ins

24. Studebakers

25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young. If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older. If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age. If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt!

Well folks, I scored 19, so I guess I am older than dirt. How old are you?

Karen Best Wright

Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

www.TheWellnessWay.org

Raising Grandchildren

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

 

 

 

Who and What Matters

By Karen Best Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

There is an email going round with the following:

There comes a point in your life when you realize:  

Who matters,

Who never did,

Who won't anymore...

And who always will.

So, don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

I would like to add to grandparents or anyone who may be experiencing a feeling of loss. People from your past sometimes do creep back into your future. When they do, there is a reason for that too. So whether it is pleasant or not, accept that there is a reason and figure out what you can learn from it.

Karen Best Wright, a grandmother in love with her grandchildren

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

www.TheWellnessWay.org

www.Seniorpro.com

 

Raising Grandchildren in Virginia

By Karen Best Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

The state of Virginia is trying to improve the situation for their children who are either in the foster care system or living with grandparents or other relatives. The state of Virginia has the worst record for getting children out of foster care and into permanent homes, but they know it and are working  to improve the situation. There are two organizations with information for Virginia grandparents who are raising their grandchildren. One organization is Faces of Virginia Families. This organization focuses on adoptive, foster, and kinship families with a lot of good information for Virginia families. Click here to go to their website www.facesofvirginia.org

Another good website about Virginia kids is Voices for Virginia's Children. Click here to visit their website at www.vakids.org.

If you have information for help in your state, please send it to me so I can share it with other grandparents. Thanks,

Karen Best Wright, grandmother in love with her grandchildren

Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

www.TheWellnessWay.org

Mother's Day: Bitter - Sweet

By Karen Best Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Well, Mother's Day came and went. Mother's Day can be one of those holidays that brings happiness or sadness to women. I didn't get to see any of my children in person on Mother's Day, but I did hear from the all (all 8 of them). So that was good. So why was Mother's Day such a sad day for me?

When I went to church Sunday morning, I sat in the pew near where I used to sit when I raised my granddaughters. I cried through most of the service. I don't think I heard anything the pastor said. All I could think about was the little girls, and they weren't there. So I cried, even though it has been almost 2 years since they left to go back to their mother. Hopefully, she had a Happy Mother's Day. We exchanged text messages and wished each other a happy day.

So to you happy grandmothers I hope your day was wonderful, and to you not so happy grandmothers, I know your pain. May we all as women support each other and reach out to show we care.

Karen Wright, B. S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

M.A. student is Psychology, Specializing in Health & Wellness

www.TheWellnessWay.org

www.SeniorPro.com

 

Raising a Grandchild at 65 Years Old

By Karen Best Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

This is the story of Mary, a 65 year-old grandmother raising a grandson. These are her words.

I am almost 65 years old and have been raising my ten year old grandson since he was five. He spent the first three years of his life with his mother, who was a drug addict. My husband, at the time, convinced my other daughter to take him in as he and his mother had no home and were living in her truck and winter was quickly approaching.

After being raised for two years by his aunt he was handed to me. I would babysit for her daughter and my grandson on Saturdays as both parent worked. Then one day my daughter informed me that she was dropping off two children but only taking back one. My grandson’s emotional outbursts were too great for my daughter and her husband to handle. She advised me that her marriage was rocky due to the upheaval created by this child, her nephew.

Shortly after I went to court to get custody with the help of Dept. of Children's Services, it was a struggle emotionally; it still is at times. At the time of receiving custody of my grandson I had my boyfriend of several years living with me. I had separated from my husband some time back with divorce in process.

 I worked, so having my male partner home to care for my grandson when he got home from kindergarten was a blessing. Unfortunately my boyfriend passed away when my grandson was eight and the stress of getting him to an extended school program in the morning and picking him on time in the evening was getting to me, not to say the added expense. Shortly after I lost my job and that’s when the depression set in. I never imagined in my entire life that I would be raising a child by myself. Because of the intense stress I felt with all that had been happening I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, that on top of the Rheumatoid Arthritis I’ve had all my life, which was also acting up due to stress. Fortunately I was able to get financial assistance for him and received a decent unemployment check to be able to get by.

After taking additional training and applying for a number of jobs with no results, I realized I was not meant to continue working, I suspect due to my age. At that point I took early retirement, which kicked in just as my unemployment ran out.

My grandson’s mother will be clean for three years this June, and she comes to visit every weekend. Some of those visits are not always pleasant as my grandson has difficulty trusting and respecting her as he remembers the bad times with her, and he never bonded with her.

His mother has already said she cannot take him back as she cannot handle him when he is difficult. She is not emotionally prepared for motherhood and in many ways it shows. This is extremely disappointing to me as I was looking forward to a quiet easy retirement.

I believe things happen for a reason and we do not always understand it. I love my grandson dearly and he gives me a reason to get up in the morning to conquer another day and appreciate the sun and rain and snow and flowers and the challenges that life seems to like to throw my way.

To Mary and all of the other grandmothers raising grandchildren, especially on your own, may God bless you.

Karen Wright

a grandmother in love with her grandchildren

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

www.TheWellnessWay.org

www.SeniorPro.com

www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com

 

Staying Connected

By Karen Best Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

An old saying goes, "To the world you might be just one person; but to one person you might just be the world." As grandparents we are likely to be the world to at least one small person, whether or not we are raising them.

Staying connected with our grandchildren can sometimes pose a challenge. Even people who live together may be disconnected. So how do you really connect with those you love. We may use the phone or computer, or if fortunate enough we will hold them in our arms. The computer and cell phones I believe to be a God send.

My eight year old granddaughter (the one I raised for 6 1/2 years) called me yesterday while I was traveling. I know I shouldn't really be talking on a cell phone while driving, so I will get one of those little ear thingies. But we talked until I lost her going through a tunnel. I let this little girl know that I still sing bedtime songs to her at night when she is sleeping, or I sing my made-up "I Care What You are Feeling" song, even though she cannot hear me. Sometimes staying spiritually connected is our only option.

How do you stay connected to your grandchildren, whether they actually live with you or are around the world? The more effort we put into making connections, the stronger they become and the harder it will be to break them. My goal is to continue to weave a connection with these children that can never be broken, no matter what happens in our lives.

How do you connect?

Karen Wright, B.S., Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

www.TheWellnessWay.org

www.SeniorPro.com

 

 

Does God know the future?

By Karen Best Wright, B.S.

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I have often told people as well as myself when needing consoling, such as when my little girls went back to live with their mother that, "God knew all along that I would raise the girls for only 6 1/2 years. I just didn't know it." It has been 1 1/2 years and I still cry on occasion, more than I would like. It does help me when I think that God had a plan and that plan was for me to raise my granddaughters for almost 7 years, even though I wanted it to be until they were grown. I am okay as long as I trust and have faith that God is ultimately in control.

That being said, last week I was visiting my granddaughters for a couple of days. We went shopping (thrift stores particularly, Target and a few others like that), nothing extravagant. We saw some tourist attractions and had a wonderful two days, just the three of us. Upon leaving, the youngest (8 years) had a melt down in tears. She didn't want me to go. As I sat and spoke with her, she expressed her belief that she is the only one who cries about missing our past life. The tears would stay inside my head no longer. I cried, "You think you are the only one who cries? I cry every time I have to leave and go home." (My friends tell me I come home every time like Humpty Dumpty, but I do eventually put myself back together again.)

"When will you be back?" She asked. "I'm not sure," I replied. "I ususally come up here about once a month." Oh my gosh, you would think I just announced I was moving around the world and would be back in a few years. Then she dropped the big question, "Do you believe God knows the future?" "Yes," I replied. "I do." To that she simply asked, "Then why don't you ask God when you will be back?" I like to think that I am a spiritual type of person and am guided as much as humanly possible, but it doesn't work that way.

There are times I wish that I could really, for real, tell the future. How much easier it might be to prepare for life's events if we knew exactly what they were. Then, I thought twice. All of the painful things I have experienced in life, I might have avoided if I had actually known about them ahead of time. Along with missing out on the pain, I would have missed out on some wonderful experiences as well. No, I think it is better that we don't actually know what life is bringing our way. I think living by Faith and self-determination is the way to go.

Now as for my next trip to see the girls, I just need to plan it by looking at my schedule and her mother's. It is not something that really requires an answer from God. It is one of those things that I am sure he would just shake his head at me and say, "Just do it, daughter."

Karen Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

(Masters' degree student in Psychology in health & wellness)

A grandmother in love with all 12 of her grandchildren

www.TheWellnessWay.org

SenorPro Consulting

www.SeniorPro.com

State Laws that Affect Granparents and Grandchildren

I often get emails from grandparents who are looking for helpful legal information in regard to raising their grandchildren. www.grandfamilies.org has some excellent information. It is a collaboration between Casey Family Programs, American Bar Association's Center on Children and the Law, and Generations United. Click here to learn about laws in  your state.

Karen Best Wright, B.S. Health & Wellness Educator

A grandmother in love with her grandchildren

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

www.TheWellnessWay.org

www.SeniorPro.com

 

CBS searching for a grandmother raising grandchildren

I received an email from a production associate for CBS's The Talk. She is looking to interview a grandmother who is raising her grandchildren for a Mother's Day piece. If any of you are interested in speaking with Daphne, please email her at daphne.carr@cbs.com.

Please pass this on to others if appropriate.

Thanks.

Karen Best Wright, B.S. Healthy & Wellness Educator

A grandmother in love with her grandchildren.com

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

www.TheWellnessWay.org

www.Seniorpro.com

www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com

The return to Nanahood

Karen Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator,

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I have frequently had grandparents express to me their fear of the time when they may actually stop raising their grandchildren. When my granddaughters returned to their mother 18 months ago, I actually had someone say, "I bet you're glad to not be raising the children." I couldn't believe I actually heard those words. "You must be kidding." How could I be glad to have a child I raised since infancy leave? Now perhaps if I were ill or simply cold-hearted, I might have wanted those 6 1/2 years to come to an end. But I was not and did not.

When I expressed to my daughter not long ago that I had believed I wasn't going to be part of the children's lives until they were grown, she responded, "Gee mom, you sure don't give me much credit." What did I learn? There is life after returning to Nanahood.

I spent this week with the children at their home. We are all doing amazingly well at putting the past behind us and adjusting to our new roles. Five days of being Nana, rather than mom, has been a blast. Because my help was needed, I got to spend much of that time alone with the girls. We had a tea party with homemade cookies, recorded our old family songs we used to sing and burned them on Cd's, I taught them a few dance steps for the TANGO and SWING, and we even had our old bed-time routine. Now I am going home and will be watching two other beautiful granddaughters for 1/2 day on Sunday (they will go to church with me). I even had to turn down one request for help with another daughter because of previous plans. Nanahood is certainly keeping me busy. And, I love it.

Karen Best Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator
(Master's Degree student in Psychology, Specializing in Health & Wellness)

A grandmother in love with her grandchildren

Check out my other websites

www.TheWellnessWay.org

www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com

www.Grandbloggers.com

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

www.SeniorPro.com

www.KitchenKraftsforKids.com (not finished yet)

A grandmother called Honey

By Karen Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator
Grandmother of 12

www.RaisingYourGrandChildren.com

We've talked quite a bit about the different names we go by as grandmothers with our grandchildren. I am passing on Pat's cute story about her little grandson and how her grandmother name was selected.

From Pat: My sweet little 21 month old grandson said everyone's name at an early age, except for mine.  We had decided my name would be "Grammy" and no matter how much I coaxed, practiced, tried etc., he refused to say Grammy!  About 4 months ago while visiting friends for Thanksgiving as I walked across the room he called out, "HONEY" and when I turned he had the brightest smile on his face.  It was then I realized he was calling me and that has been the name he has called me every day since then!  :)  My heart just melts each day I hear that sweet voice and the sweet name he chose for me.  Of course, he has heard my husband call me that, but how wonderful that he adopted his own name for me instead.

If you have a story behind your grandparent name, please feel free to share.

Karen Best Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator
(Master's degree student in Psychology: Specialization in Health & Wellness)

A grandmother in love with  her grandchildren

www.TheWellnessWay.org

www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com

Grandparenting Consultant

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

www.GrandBloggers.com

Internet Marketing Specialist and Website Writer

www.SeniorPro.com

www.SeniorProBlog.com

Building traditions with grandchildren

By Karen Best Wright, B.S. www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Building traditions with grandchildren you are raising is not that different than when you were building family traditions with your own children. It could possibly be even more important, since grandchildren in your custody are more likely to have come from an unstable background. Some of the traditions or simple activities, that are now fondly remembered (my grandchildren are back with their mother) that we did, includied our love of collecting rocks and crystals, making fudge at Christmas time, each family member baking a pie at Thanksgiving, singing songs in the car, making things out of fabric, wood, or paper.

These particular grandchildren (I did not raise all of my grandchildren), love giving me little gifts that remind them of our time together. I receive pretty rocks, antique looking vases they picked up at a yard sale, and hand-stitched cloth bags, they made themselves. Their mother is also very good at helping them give small gifts at holiday time that they specifically know I will like, such as sandalwood oil or incense or other nice smelling things or an antique looking lamp. The thought that is put into a small gift shows me that the time I spent with them made an imprint on their lives. That is very important to me. I too continue to give them gifts that have meaning between each of them and me. It may be a small crystal, seashell, journal, or favorite dessert. I do not take them to a toy store to pick out toys. What I give them almost always has some type of meaning.

This is just a reminder (perhaps more to myself than anyone else) that when we consciously create an atmosphere with special meanings, it stays with the children even if they must leave and return to their parents (which may be good, even if we don't want it).

Karen Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

(Maters' degree student in Psychology: Specialization in Health & Wellness

www.TheWellnessWay.org

www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com

www.KitchenKraftsforKids.com (not finished)

Grandparenting Consultant

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

www.GrandparentingBlog.com

www.GrandBloggers.com

Internet Marketing Consultant & Web Content Writer

www.SeniorPro.com

www.SeniorProBlog.com

New Blog for Grandparent Bloggers

Hi Everyone,

www.GrandBloggers.com

I am starting a new blog designed especially for grandparent bloggers. I am hoping all grandparents who blog about grandparenting issues will join me in this new fun adventure. Check out www.GrandBloggers.com and if you are a blogger who blogs about grandparenting or children's issues, please contact me to become a guest writer. I only ask that we keep this fun and informative but not political and contentious. Anyone can leave comments and questions, but only those who I specifically email an invite can actually place original posts. Please check it out.

Karen Wright, Holistic Health & Wellness Educator
(master's student in Psychology: Specialization in Health and Wellness

www.TheWellnessWay.org

www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com

Grandparent Consultant

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

www.GrandparentingBlog.com

Website content writer and Internet marketing conusltant

www.SeniorPro.com

www.SenorproBlog.com

Stick but not Sticky

By Karen Best Wright, B.S.

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

The other day I came across an article "Adhesive but not Sticky "about a bandage called Mepilex Border Foam Dressing. Now the reason this was of interest to me was because it was actually an article I had written for a medical supply company last year. Because I really like analogies and symbolism, this simple bandage got me thinking about how something can stick but not be sticky.

Of course I automatically relate that to relationships. How often the relationships we get into get sticky and uncomfortable, and how nice it is when we are in relationships that naturally stick together but are not sticky. My mind then of course analyzed my personal relationships. I am very analytical, sometimes a bit too much, but usually it works to my benefit.

So how do we create relationships that stick but are not sticky? Sometimes relationships are not ones we actually choose, such as coworkers or in-laws. But we do have an influence on the stick and sticky part, even when we don't think we do.

Sometimes I like to visualize as I am mingling with people that I am actually radiating positive energy from within my core being. I will actually speak the words in my mind, "I radiate to all the world around me. I radiate enthusiasm. I radiate love, I radiate intelligence, etc." It really works. Most people really do pick up our vibes, even on the unconscious level. We may not be able to change other people's attitudes or behaviors, but I personally know that our own attitudes definitely have an effect on the sticky parts of interactions.

So the next time you are having a conflict with someone (and as grandparents we know how often that can happen), really focus on the feeling of smoothness and not stickiness and see what happens.

I would love your experiences and comments on this.

Karen Wright, B.S. Holistic Health & Wellness Educator

(Master's student of Psychology of Health & Wellness)

A gradmother in love with her grandchildren

Check out my other websites

www.TheWellnessWay.org

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

www.Seniorpro.com

www.Blogforhealthyliving.com

www.SeniorProBlog.com

www.KitchenKraftsforKids.com (in the making)

 

Today I will be thankful!

By Karen Wright

Today I can worry about the work that needs to get done or be thankful that I have work to do. Today I can complain about the rainy weather or be grateful that the grass is watered for free. Today I can go "ugh" I have to haul the huge garbage can to the curb or be glad that I do not need to drive to the dump anymore. Today I can dislike housework or be grateful for a house to clean. Today I can get irritated that children are so noisy or be grateful that they are capable of being noisy. Today I choose to the thankful.

Karen Best Wright, B.S.Holistic  Health and Wellness Coach, Reiki Practitioner, Writer, and Website Consultant

A grandmother in love with her grandchildren

www.TheWellnessWay.org

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

www.Blogforhealthyliving.com

www.SeniorPro.com

www.KithchenKraftsforKids.com (just starting)

 

Technology: Do I love it or fear it?

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Sometimes I get so frustrated with technology that I miss the old days of rotary phones and simple TVs with no remotes, especially when there are two remotes for one TV and I can't remember what does what. The fear of incompentency kicks in.

But then I get an email from my 10 year old granddaughter (one who lived with me for 7 years), well actually sometimes I get 2 or 3 emails in one day. And if I don't answer right away, she might call to tell me I have an email. Now, that I love. I also love skyping with my college daughter in Singapore. Not to mention keeping track of all of my kids (all 8 of them) on Facebook. So while the fear of technology creeps into me sometimes, mostly I don't know how I would survive without it. Well good communication, like we know it, would not even exist. So I guess I just need to learn to use my remotes and cell phone better and relish in what I love, communicating with my kids and grandkids.

Karen Best Wright, B.S. Health & Wellness Coach, and (a M.A. student) and (a grandmother in love with her grandchildren) and (a mother in love with her kids) and ....

www.TheWellnessWay.org (not totally finished)

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com

www.KitchenKraftsforKids.com (in the making)

www.SeniorPro.com (my business website)

 

Childhood Obesity and Empty Calories

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

One only has to read the news to learn about the problem we have with childhood obesity or simpler yet, just observe. Not only are children often bullied because of their weight, but they are truly at risk for premature health problems. That is the biggest problem that I see. Sometimes a child might not even be overweight, yet have high cholesterol. That puzzles me, but it is absolutely true. I know a 10 year old beautiful little girl who is not overweight at all, yet she has high cholesterol. It was discovered in a routine check-up.

As I was advising the mother, the mother too was baffled. "She loves vegetables and eats pretty good. I don't know what to do." My suggestion along with cutting down on products containing animal fat was to increase the fiber in her diet with whole grains, especially oats. Yuck, whole grains, how do we do that? Simple. One easy thing to do for starters is, when making pancakes or biscuits, use no more than 1/2 white flour.  The other half of the flour should be a combination of whole wheat and oat flour. The best is to grind your own wheat flour from wheat berries and oat flour from oatmeal. If you do not have a grinder that will grind wheat, you may need to purchase whole wheat flour or at least add wheat bran and wheat germ to your recipe. Now when it comes to oat flour, that is easier. A regular blender ought to grind up oatmeal into flour quite easily. Always store freshly milled grain in the freezer to maintain the nutrients in the flour. If you do not have a chest freezer, like the one your mother probably had years ago, you may have to make room in your small freezer. I do miss my large upright freezer, but oh well, back to the subject at hand.

By starting with 1/2 white flour and a combination of whole wheat flour and oat flour, your child might not even know that you have altered their favorite recipe, especially once they put a bit of their favorite syrup or jam on the pancake (also cut the butter in half that you pile on the pancake.) Waiting until your child or grandchild shows signs of high cholesterol or high blood pressure puts you behind the eight ball. It is better to prevent the problems in the first place.

If you have suggestions on healthy eating with your grandchildren, please post any comments. I always welcome good ideas for my readers from my readers. Thanks,

Karen Best Wright, B.S.
Health & Wellness Coach and a grandmother in love with her grandchildren

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com

www.TheWellnessWay.org

www.KitchenKraftsforKids.com (coming soon)