The Importance of Consistency

www.raisingyourgrandchildren.com by Karen Best Wright

I receive many comments from my readers at my main website about the challenge and importance of creating consistency and stability in their grandchildren's lives. This is a topic of the utmost importance. So often when grandparents or other relative caregivers gain custody of the children, whether it be legal or informal custody, the children have lived hectic lives and have had little consistency in their daily living. Some children may not have had a regular bedtime schedules, homework or study time, or even regular mealtimes. Eating while sitting in front of the television does not constitute as a meal time for me.

When children have been living uncertain lives with little order, creating consistency in the grandparent's home can help promote necessary emotional stability. Children who are vulnerable can be extra sensitive when things are un-orderly and when they don't know what to expect next.

I have found when I feel unorganized and life seems chaotic, the children's moods follow my lead. When I am in better control and life runs on schedule, they are more cooporative. And even when they are not, I handle it better. It is very important to my girls that life runs the way it is suppose to, even to whose turn it is to read scriptures or help with a dessert.

In our home, I am not super strict, and our lives do not run on a slick smooth schedule (as much as I would like it to), but here are a few things that have proven helpful to me in creating consistency in our lives.

On school mornings, we always get up at the same time. We spend 30 minutes upstairs getting dressed and fixing their long hair. We then have 30 minutes to eat breakfast and get out the door. We usually sing songs while I drive them to school. I want their day to get started in a routine and happy manner without feeling rushed.

The children know that one evening a week we have a special family night with special dessert and all. We go to church every Sunday, homework is done right after school, and we eat dinner together. At bedtime, we read our scriptures and then another fun story or a few poems. Then off to bed, perhaps with a few bedtime songs while they settle in. There is a rocking chair in the little girls' bedroom, so I often get conned into a bedtime rock as well with a 4 and 6 year old. The only time we skip this routine is if we are out late and get home way past bedtime, like on a Friday night when we have a Barnes and Noble family date. Everyone gets to buy one book. If money is tight, we can always have a Dollar Store date; that works just as well. My 4 year old's favorite store is the thrift store in our town.

The children know that I will always be home when they get home on the bus. The exception is if I call the school to tell them they are parent pick-up that day. They love that. They enjoy pleasant straying from routines now and then, like when I'm tired and don't feel like cooking dinner. Here's a sandwhich, go outside and eat at the picnic table. That's fun unless there are flies all over the food.

I wish I could say that I have this down pat, (You would think after raising my own eight children I would) but I don't. I'm still trying to get them to bring their own dishes to the sink, hang their backpacks on their hook when they come into the house, and make their beds in the morning. As long as everything is off the floor (I don't want to trip on things in the dark), I let other things go until major bedroom clean-up time.

Well back to consistency, however difficult it may be for some grandparents to establish it, we all know how important it is for these children. Consistency, taught with love, helps children learn to trust, feel safe, and develop feelings of security.