When dreams are shattered, we ask why.

www.raisingyourgrandchildren.com By Karen Best Wright

As grandparents take on the responsibility of raising grandchildren, some dreams they may have had can be shattered. It may have been the dream of what their own child was going to do with his/her life, or it may be the dream of something they wanted to happen in their own life.

When we have a dream that has been shattered, many times we ask ourselves too many whys. “Why” is this happening? “Why” did that happen? “Why” do people feel the way they feel, or “why” do they do the things they do?

Sometimes, we can ask why and get an answer that we can actually do something about and improve our situation. But often, the "whys" only hurt. Why? Is it because there is/was a defect in the brain or genes, bad upbringing, lost soul, just plain bad choices, or simply God’s plan for us that we were not expecting?

Getting an answer to our “whys” may at times bring us a sense of peace, but often there is no answer to the “whys.” Continually wanting an answer, when the answer is simply not there, can literally destroy what energy we have left.

Many times we need to put the “whys” on the back burner, not focus on them, or simply take the word out of our vocabulary if necessary. Saying this is much easier than actually doing it, especially if we are living a situation not merely remembering it from the past.

Here are a few things that I do when a dream that I have has been shattered. These 5 things help me cope when the “whys” creep up on me, and I grieve for the loss of my dream.

1.      I immediately start reworking my dreams and goals. As the well-known saying goes, when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. I would not survive well without my dreams and goals. Dreams and goals need not detract from living our lives in the moment, but can help guide us.

2.      I remind myself, even though I might have been caught by surprise, that God knew this was going to happen. Since God knew this all along, he must still have a path for me.

3.      I do something that I can feel good about. I may make a business call that I have been putting off. I may finish a project that has been left unfinished. I may curl up with my children and read them a story or sing them a song. There are a myriad of things we can choose to do to lift our spirits. For me, it must be something that I physically do, something less mental, not just sitting and thinking about the problem.

4.      I may call a friend, my sister, my mother, or a professional counselor. My tendency is to hide my pain and not want to burden others with my problems. I usually do better when I allow others to help me.

5.      And last but most important, I pray to receive direction, peace, and strength. I pray to know that I am not alone, that there is someone beyond my physical site that is guiding me. And finally, I pray to be taught, so I can learn from this experience and become a stronger soul.

Comments

[Gillian Duke]

I live in Australia and we don't seem to have much in the way of support for grandparents raising grandchildren, so I really appreciate your site. Thanks for the encouragement that comes from your honesty. When raising your grandchildren you question your ability to do so, you are refreshingly honest about your trials and triumphs. Thanks again, Grandma Gillian from OZ.

[Nana Connie]

Karen,
This is great organized advice for 'those days', I think we all have. (I know I question God's plans) Your words and insight really bring hope and relief. Connie