Disciplining Grandchildren

www.raisingyourgrandchildren.com by Karen Best Wright

I am currently reading a parenting book called Common Sense Parenting - Using Your Head as Well as Your Heart to Raise School-Aged Children authored by Ray Burke, Ph.D., Ron Herron, and Bridge A. Barnes.

Just reading Chapter One gave me a lot to think about when considering my own parenting style. I'm embarrassed to say, I didn't even know what my parenting style has been, even after raising my own eight children. This book is giving me some good insights. According to their questionnaire, I'm a mixture. I'm doing fairly well in most areas but with some definite areas to improve. I tend to put up with "and put up with and put with" annoying behavior until I am "fed up" then I react. Not the best way to be consistent.

Often when we think of discipline, we think of punishment. I'm not sure why this is exactly. When I think of a person who is well disciplined or self-disciplined, I don't think of a person who is well or self punished. So why do we often think discipline and punishment are synonymous?

The book points out, that to discipline is to teach. The authors stress that children learn nothing from inappropriate punishment, other than to fear and avoid the parent or to behave violently themselves when they are angry or frustrated. The authors write that as we discipline our children with positive teaching, disciplining becomes less of a chore and more of an opportunity. Positive teaching is an effective way to guide children and help them learn what is expected of them, what they are doing right, and what they are doing wrong. The goal of course is to teach children to live cooperative and productive lives within the family unit, the community, and society as a whole.

As grandparents, we have extra challenges when learning effective ways to discipline (to teach proper behavior). Children have often come to us with bad habits already established. They may still be experiencing pain from past experiences, which adversely affects their behavior now. With all the possible negative baggage the children may be lugging around with them, establishing a parenting style, which incorporates positive teaching can help create a positive family environment, which encourages children to become self-disciplined, which of course is our ultimate goal as parents.

I will write more comments as I read this insightful book.