Living Flexibly
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com by Karen Best Wright
Several months ago I wrote about the importance of consistency with our grandchildren. While this is very important in creating stability in the lives of the grandchildren we are raising, of equal importance is the concept of becoming flexible. While some might think that these two concepts might be in conflict, they are not. Many changes happen in our lives when we become parents again 20, 30, or even 40 years after we had our own children. Becoming flexible in our lives allows us to not break. It is like learning yoga. We stretch; we bend; we become stronger. We are less likely to break under pressure.
The other day I was playing with a little flexible rubber toy my children had gotten from who knows where. I bent it and twisted it while I thought about my own life. Sometimes not only our body needs to limber up but so does our mind. Realizing that how we feel today about something may not be how we feel next week, and that is okay. Each day may be the day that we receive new inspiration on a specific aspect of our lives.
Learning to become emotionally and spiritually flexible can allow us to recognize that inspiration and follow its lead, allowing us to find solutions to the challenges we face as "old" parents.
I am just now finding that there are others, many others, that are raising their grandchildren. We have had court temp custody of our grandson for almost 2 yrs now. He was 5months when CPS handed him over to us and he is 28m now. I have felt very alone. Grandpa is gone all the time, trying to make a living to support the 3 of us. The kids all live out of town and none of the people our age, that we know, are in this situation. At 56 and 59, I'm not in the best health and I haven't been out of the house since Cade came to live with us, except for doc appts. I feel very angry at his dad and mom....she is a drug head and our son says he loves her and can change her. Her meth use before, during and after Cade got here has left him with some health issues. It has been almost 2 years now of PT, OT and still ongoing ST. He will have to continue to wear the braces to walk, ST will continue with him going into delayed developement classes at school starting in Oct. He only knows 12 words and should know several thousand by now. We are waiting on the medical field to determine what other problems are there and how much her Meth use might have damaged him. The withdrawal for him was so sad. I'm sorry to go on, but I haven't had anyone to talk to these past 2 yrs. After being very active, I now stay within the confines of the house because of my health issues, too hard to get around with Cade, I'm too tired to do anything, I'm afraid his mom will show up and try to snatch him again. She does not want him at all, but she doesn't want us to have him because we love him so much. She just wants him away. I find my day is the same, I'm up by 3am and spend 4 hrs walking the front porch in the starlite morning quietness talking to God. This anchors my day. I get my coffee in peace and quiet, this is my time. The rest of the day is all about Cade, thankfully he still goes down for 2 nap times....doesn't have to sleep, but does lay quietly or plays quietly until I get him up. He's in bed by 7pm and I follow by 8pm. I'm dead on my feet and live for his naptime and bed time. But, I can't imagine waking up in the morning and not having his sweet smile to greet me. But, how can I give him all he needs if I'm always so very worn out. I fear one of us will be dead before we rear him to an age where he can take care of himself. Thankfully our oldest son and wife are ready to take him if that happens, but with already 3 young children, that will be tough on them.....in my eyes anyway. They have all the love to give, and they adore him. I just can't find a way to replace the resentment I feel for parents not acting like parents. Yes we love our son, but cannot tolerate how he is not handling this, forget her. I hope I never see her again.
Ok, I will stop now. I have gone on forever. I really did need to vent. I don't know if I can find this chat area again, so please if you choose to reply, use my email..... mgwood@gt.rr.com
Ginger
Posted by: Ginger Woodcock | March 13, 2008 at 04:03 PM
Oh! How very true! I really needed to be reminded of that little statement of truth at this moment. Thank You,
Grandmother of adopted 17year old grandson[after raiseing 5 sons]
Posted by: Joyce Garrow | February 27, 2008 at 11:22 PM